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Lockdowns appeared to have a curious effect on sexual habits, according to new research: People were having less...

Rebecca Daniels | September 03, 2021

5 Ways to try BDSM with your partner

Lockdowns appeared to have a curious effect on sexual habits, according to new research: People were having less sex, but made it kinkier.

That's according to Kinsey Institute research fellow Justin Lehmiller, who found that 1 in 5 people were getting more experimental in the bedroom in March and April. 

Indeed, online searches for whips and handcuffs in the US were up 83% in April 2020 compared to April 2019, suggesting a piqued interest in some kink at home. 

Easily the best-known type of kinky sex is BDSM (bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, and sadism-masochism), a consensual sexual dynamic in which people play with power through different sexual acts like spanking, choking, and being tied-up.

But despite its pop status as a kink, playing a role in "Fifty Shades of Grey" and "The Duke of Burgandy," it can be tricky to know where to start if you haven't tried it before.

Insider spoke to sex expert Angel Rios to get 5 tips for beginners looking to change up their sex life and dabble in BDSM. 


Have a conversation with your partner beforehand about what you two are interested in trying. 

It's important you and your partner are on the same page about what you two want to try.

If you want to try handcuffs, choking, nipple clamps, and other acts that fall under the BDSM umbrella, you should both consent to try them beforehand. 

Agreeing on smaller acts like hair pulling, spanking, and trying out demeaning names you two have agreed on beforehand like "wimp" or "slut" can help you build a foundation of trust doing BDSM before moving onto bigger acts. 


Set a safe word.

Safewords are words you can set before having sex to signal to your partner you want to stop or something is too rough.

While you could use "stop" as your safeword, it's typically discouraged because it can be used playfully in BDSM.

If part of your kink includes telling your partner to stop while they ignore you, other safewords that don't naturally make it into your dirty talk work great. 

"Choose a word that you can use during play to stop what's going on at any time. For example, I use 'red.' If I were to say 'red' at any point during a scene, my partner must remove me from any bondage situation and check-in to see if I am ok," Rios told Insider.

"You can also set other words like 'yellow' to say something is uncomfortable, but you still want to continue. For example, if the spanking is too hard and needs to be lighter. This lets your partner know you want to proceed, but there needs to be an adjustment." 

Safewords are important to protect you and your partner's safety. 


Start slowly by gently incorporating acts like spanking.

"You do not need to dive straight into rope suspension or heavy flogging. It would not be safe and would likely be intimidating for your partner," Rios told Insider.

Everyday items like wooden spoons, belts, and clothespins can all be used to ease your way into BDSM without breaking the bank.

While wooden spoons may not seem like an obvious option, Rio said they can be great for beginners.

"I know it may sound weird to bring a kitchen item into the bedroom, but that is what dishwashers are for," Rios said. "These can be a great spanking tool to use on the butt, breast, or inner thigh."


Make sure to incorporate aftercare like cuddling and check-ins after you have sex.

Checking in on your partner after having sex and trying BDSM is crucial to making sure both of you are comfortable. Cuddling, kissing, and words of affirmation can all be great forms of aftercare.

"While we may want our partner to dress as a demanding authoritarian who exacts humiliating punishments on us during kinky play, that's not how we want them to treat us during the normal course of our relationship," wrote Katy Thorn for Lelo, a sex toy company. "Aftercare functions as a 'recalibration' for the normalcy of your relationship."

Credit: insider.com

Have you tried BDSM? If so, how did you start? Let us know below in the comments!

Comments

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  • rockeyrockey1234

    Hello

  • bayroot6969

  • rubyy6

    Love

  • wellhung38

    Love to meet and try this

  • wellhung38

    So love to try this

  • BeCool

    There’s some great learning to be hard in person at local kink clubs, such as Haven in Chinderah. The next social learning event is on Saturday the 17th.

  • Aries_x2

    Can I ask what are some safe words other people use? And what context

  • blindfold

    Blind flood is awesome

  • YoniMssageExpert

    Available in Sydney, let me know when you are free.

  • cyril1

    For us it has made vanilla sex somewhat dull. The problem is that many think bdsm is a form of abuse. You cannot make anyone Dom or sub anymore than you could make someone be gay. Di

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