M49
First Time Sharing Wife - Emotional Rollercoaster
February 06 2019
Comments
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Rlee552
7 years ago
It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this and it has been a real journey. Exciting times ahead for you. If I can ask a question - you can’t change the past, but knowing what you know now and where you have ended up, if you had your time over again would you have started this journey? The reason I ask is everyone’s story is different and I suspect you know a lot of the answers already. So is hidden behind your question a small kernel of doubt on whether this is what you really want or have you had to change things too much from your original fantasy? If you are truly comfortable (accepting the nervousness), that first plunge can be exhilarating.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I have never been in your position so i cant add any advice. You wrote so eloquently that I felt as though we are sitting and chatting so I just wanted to say good luck mate and I hope things work out properly. Thanks for sharing.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Always best to follow your brain and not let your lust and excitment cloud your judgement. Once you go ahead with it , it can never be undone. Will it be worth it if things go south. Just be sure its the rite move. And if so . Enjoy
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RHP User
7 years ago
The best thing you have ever done,or the worst.weigh up what you have to gain over what you have to loose. You know you better than anyone else does,other people's experiences won't help you decide because everyone is so different. Good luck on your journey and thank you for sharing Hugs Q xx
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RHP User
7 years ago
Wow you sound so much like us feel free to message me with any questions
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Hmmmm..... i just dont know of you guys are ready. So much uncertainty in your words. Maybe this kind of platform is muddying yhe waters and increasing the nerves/jealousies etc. Maybe something more spontaneous, unplanned and that just happens organically might suit you both..... of course u can still holt proceedings if its not comfortable for anyone. Fantasies are fantasies for a reason...... not always as you imagine in real life. Good luck xx
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ReyandJean
7 years ago
Guess some issues arise from idea of "sharing" your wife. Tranform to "agreeing to opportunities for her to enjoy herself" ("and, myself, as a consequence") and the angst might lessen. Of course the natural fears of abandonment won't go away, and jealousy is always ready to jump in. She might be a dab hand at separating sex and emotional attachment. Only time will tell. Big gamble, but it seems your genie is out the bottle and may never go back satisfactorily. R
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teamaj2
7 years ago
Hi ‘the other half ‘ I have to say I agree with FAt fun and feisty , in that I don’t think you are ready yet . Will you ever be ready to take that leap of faith only time will tell . No one can tell you what the aftermath may bring . Reading what you wrote, I actually feel a bit anxious for you. We have been together now 13 years and only playing the past nearly two years . For us it has been a wonderful experience. We actually both had a lot of jealousy issues from our past ( the baggage eventually goes and time heals us all ) . Entering into this lifestyle was a huge leap for us . For us luckily all jealousy in our day to day lives and in the lifestyle are a distant memory . We only play /meet when we are both present . I am the communicator and I hear you about being overwhelmed with responses . All pictures and chat are open for him to read too . Those are our boundaries and obviously not necessarily good for you . The first time was exciting, nerve wracking and fun . Our sex life ( like yours ) has always been amazing . After that night and in the years to follow , amazingly it just gets better and better . To be honest , its just my opinion , if either of us felt as you do , we would not have proceeded . Just a thought ! Maybe slow it down a little and attend a few meet and greets just to meet like minded people . Unlike a party there is no play . Wishing you good luck in all your future endeavours .
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Rlee552
7 years ago
FFF There is always the question as to whether the river has caught you and you feel you need to follow it all the way through to the bottom, even if you are becoming wet or miserable; or you are in control of your boat, excited and happy. When it’s the former it can sometimes be very difficult to stop the journey given how far you have travelled and get off at the river bank - where to from there. Bad analogy I know. It was what drove my question as to if you had your time over again - and then use that honest answer to either get a sense of comfort on the right track or an awareness perhaps time to bail.
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Rlee, LOVE the analogy. And agree with your initial question..... benefit of hindsight in summary. I had a Professor once and something he said to me and stuck all these years later may actually apply to the OP; "Overanalysis Leads to Paralysis". I can only liken the OPs experiences to that of my own and I dont think allthe back and forth, analysing, taking a different approach etc would have worked for me. My hubby and I were more spontaneous in our journey.... discussed a threesome, a week later joined RHP, 4 days after that first Bi MMF...... that was 8 years ago. I'm a terrible procrastinator and if we bandied all the scenarios back and forth I would have still be doing that today..... paralysed.
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RHP User
7 years ago
We hotwife regularly. The first time was intense sexually. We went through some of the emotions you describe but not to that extent. All i can say is if you have any jealousy or doubts even. Or insecurities then maybe consider slowing down. Just foreplay swap with couples or full swap then if youre sure theres no regrets then try hotwifing Ill tell you this. Some of the gys are young fit studs with superhero like stamina lol Your wife will be saying things like wow that guy was amazing! He blew my mind etc you maybe left wondering geez do i suck at sex? You may be left feeling abit insecure . Be prepared for that. After a while the sexual pleasure you both get out weighs those kind of insecurities. For me i love it. I have zero jealousy in this regard. I love when they flirt with each other . How turned on she gets. How horny she is for days afterwards. The anticipation even. If you dont love it 100% and if seeing some gy flirt and fuck your wife doesnt turn you on then dont do it! It will fuck your relationship. Ive seen that also. Be aware also. Its not uncommon for a wife to fall in love with a bull so make sure your relationship is rick solid and good communication regarding rules . Just my 2 cents
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RHP User
7 years ago
Not ready by a long shot. I hope you can pull in the reigns or if your wife is full steam ahead? I have lived the lifestyle, and know many others who do or once did. One of the most important elements is a rock solid relationship, clear communication and 100% zero jealousy. A new man can bring your wife to sexual heights she’s never felt before... not that the guy might be particularly better than you, but the fact it’s taboo, a fetish, something new, exciting.... you could have the same effect if you where the 3rd party in someone else’s marriage. But that 3rd party you invite in could bring your wife to sexual realms and pleasures that you just can’t avhieve and by the way I read your original post, you won’t be able to handle it. And as someone else mentioned, I have seen many wives “fall” for the new guys.. literally fall in love and starts them on a sexual journey of self discovery that brings them out of their shell and into a whole new sexual world.. leaving their former husbands behind! It’s happened time and time again. If you do go ahead with this, clear boundaries need to be put in place. Such as ending it if either of you don’t feel comfortable, have a strict 1 meet per guy ie: never meet the same guy twice. Keep them random rather than risk an ongoing connection that quickly goes from a MFM to him and your wife having a full blown love affair. Some people even have a no kissing rule but that also spoils the sex in my opinion. Clear rules around contraception, and how to respond if rules are broken. I have spoken to people who had a strict condom only rule of the 3rd party, but in the heat of the moment heading into round 2 or 3, the guy attempted to play without the condom, and by that stage and in a state of ecstasy, the wife allowed him and just went for it. This was seen as a real betrayal by the husband and caused months of conflict and the relationship never recovered. As for me and my partner, when we arrange other men to come over, we will have already started playing, they come half way through, join in for lots of fun, and when they leave, we continue to enjoy some of the best sex ever. By the end, she is in heaven and that provides us with months of memories and a natural high that turns enhances our sex life until we go arrange the next night of fun!
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RHP User
7 years ago
There's a fantasy we both have but haven't as yet. We'll know when it's good to go, things will fall into place even though it make take quite a bit of effort to get to the actual day and time. The first time willl be the most exciting and could be the most traumatic. Your decision. You already know the answer. You really don't need anyone to tell you. If it dosen't feel right, don't. Your gut feeling will give you the right answer. Sometimes it's difficult to work out what your gut feeling is then the answer is in this. If in doubt don't go ahead. It's a bit like buying something of high value such as a house something you really want but it dosen't feel right for some reason. You love the house, the floor plan and she loves so much about the house too. You're in doubt, two minds but buy it and then find you have endless trouble with the neighbours something you sensed when inspecting the home and seeing the neighbour for the first time. We wish you well
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madotara69
7 years ago
How is a 3rd party going to bring this guy's partner to heights of pleasure, unachievable otherwise, if ?.... the couple are having an mfm threesome. (all together, no one left out) theotherhalf or OP, mate. Most important is to wear your emotions and feelings on your sleeves, it's ok to feel uncomfortable, caution and if you didn't then perhaps there may be something not so crash hot with your relationship. As much there is to discuss and share thoughts with the ideas arousing you both or better understanding each other where something may be more favourable to one or other, communication with open mind to meanings given, listen to each other and seek confidence in any of it, compliment with all of it. You also are best to express anything that is not something you would want to experience, things that touch those feelings bringing caution, worry, insecure, anything you are uncomfortable by the thought.. express these too with each other. There's a few things. IMHO If something hurts, it hurts for a reason, best to better understand the meanings of why something hurts, some things hurt. If those feelings are suppressed, if you feel alone with something hurtful, if you pretend it's ok (take one for the team kind of thing) make sure it's just something you can reckon with and adjust in a positive sense, your wife is right there with you. The idea is a guy comes to join you both as a couple, he has the pleasure with sharing your relationship, your sexual energy together, it's important each of the three of you are all of the feeling accepted as your self, it's just as important for the guy joining you both to feel welcome and respected and to share his thoughts, ideas, arousal or boundaries. The right guy for you ? Maybe he is a guy that wants to enjoy you guys getting worked up, lots of guys get turned on by seeing the couple in foreplay or fucking while feeling their way into the play, not left out, just settling nerves as most guys, especially if it's a first mfm experience have done head-miles well before meeting you. Plenty will offer the 'porn star stud super fucker and licker, squirt pro and make the woman cum multiple times, like she has never felt before and 'the guy she will never forget, lol...... Until it becomes a reality there comes a time to actually meeting, then most will drop away with some reason or another, even nothing..... So it narrows things down when you get a guy arrive to enjoy your company and for you both to enjoy his. A threesome mfm. You can, anyone can simply just ask to hold up with things if something feels wrong, instincts or principles, eg, if a bloke disrespects Tara, whether she is tuned to it or not, I respect her and by principle there is one answer for any given moment, once I am aware Tara has been disrespected, every second I allow such to pass, I am letting her down, I am disrespecting her. Simple and no matter embarrassing, awkward, intimidated, it's a matter of principle and care for what means most. (not making her choices, nor possessive kind of thinking, she is her own person)Some guys may attempt to play your wife and intent on getting her into a one on one intimate situation and she may not really know what's going on until things have gone into the realms of you left out somewhat.....it's the guy's intensions, not your wife's... unless she has shown you it's her intensions and believes or knows you are comfortable. You could have a safe word in place with your wife in case, in advance and still any one can ask to stop, communicate and carry on if all good. The only one's that can decide if you are ready ?... are you and your wife and keeping in mind you are inviting another person to join with you and care. Mado Mado Tara xx
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rick181au
7 years ago
I tried for 2-3 years to get my "virgin wife except for me" involved, we were in a nudist club where their was a LOT of swinging going on, I did not try consistently, but took advantage of every possible chance, their might have been months where it was not mentioned, then their might be signs their was a chance so I would go for it again. It got to the point after a few years where I had virtually given up but occasionally their would be a glimmer of hope, then out of the blue it happened, her first time with another guy (I had taken her cherry when we were 18), we were 35 years old, married 15 years with 2 young children, I was ecstatic, over the moon with joy, on top of the world.That led to 35 + years of swinging swapping and M F M threesomes and a hell of a lot of sexy fun "my wife can be such a flirt when she want's to be" it was ever so sexy watching my 35 and older wife exploring her new found sexual freedom, our last swap was when we were 73 with a 53 year old guy we met in a chat room.We are now mid 70's and happily married 56 years.
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Most people entering this scene for the first time have emotions like yours. Some dont admit it at all, some discuss it with their partner and very few discuss it like this in a very well written heart on the sleeve post. Well done. It certainly describes the emotions l felt in the lead up to my virginal swinging moment. So you will get a wide range of answers. But none will really answer your dilemma because your emotions are your emotions, no one else. But it always eases things when you realise you are not unique. Welcome to the world of fantasy chasing. Fantasies are a weird convolutions of desire and taboo. They can act like a drug to heighten your senses and like drugs, can ruin your life. But your addiction has started. Your use of fantasy has intensified your sexual life and your relationship. Is there anyway to turn back? To withdraw? Like drugs, withdrawal is a difficult process. It can flatten your sex life and thus your relationship. To not proceed and keep that adrenaline running, will eat at you both for ever. The not knowing. The regrets of not giving it a go. They say many fantasies should remain a fantasy. I wouldn't know. I'm a definite fantasy chaser. It drives me. I dont have many left that. I've achieved so many. It has both destroyed my life at times and other times elevated it to huge heights. I keep inventing new ones, the human mind is amazing. So welcome to this world of sexual fantasy. Can you turn back Most of those here cannot. We are addicted and our worlds will never be the same. See me down the lane way. I can sell you what you need for one more ride on the fantasy train...... Goodluck. You know you want to right.... l dare you
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RHP User
7 years ago
I can empathise with your situation. When my ex husband and I opened our marriage all of these questions were asked of each other too. We had arranged a few MFM but alas, they fell through then we played separately instead. For a time it did strengthen us and it breathed some fresh air into our sex life. Unfortunately we split for other reasons, I will admit though the confidence and increased self worth had also contributed to the split. I think it’s important you both take your time, there’s no going back, sometimes a fantasy is just that, however you seem to have taken some steps and establishing boundaries will help. I wish I had more answers for you, sorry 😐 I’ll be following this thread closely as I’m now in a relationship and he wishes to give me my fantasy of a MFM for my birthday 🎁 happy birthday to me!!! However, I have concerns similar to yours too. The what ifs etc. Keep us posted 😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
Ok... So this kind of scenario really goes to the core of our social programming... Thank you churches ya fascist fucks!! For years now the churches have told us how we should view our existence, and what we should look toward in order to be happy...based on what?? A damn book that chances are was merely written by a bunch of drunk freaks trippin on acid or some shit... So over time, those teachings have become our moral compasses to a point...but it’s also made us look at our relationships with a viewpoint of ownership...I belong to thee, thou belongs to me kinda shit... So IF that dynamic were to operate outside those parameters technically speaking thou now giveth to someone Fucken else and therefore thee belongs to thee... But... If thee returns to you, her choice is you....is it not??
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RHP User
7 years ago
There’s a Fucken typo or 1000 in there .. But I hope you get my point...you’re merely feeling as though she’ll belong to someone else by engaging...when her loyalty will be shown in hers and your actions to return to each other...and therefore flipping the fucking churches off as they should be... 👍👍
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Technically Anti..... she belongs to she..... not thee, thou or they..... my one cent 😊
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On_Safari
7 years ago
And you OP - I know she’s super excited BUT upon meeting this guy there may be zero chemistry and she’ll feel let down (snake) and you’ll both be back to square one and you Sir May find yourself breathing a sigh of relief. I love that communication is so very important and flowing freely between you both - it is paramount that that honesty and talk continues for your very survival as a loving, successful m, naughty couple. If you need to talk to another couple about this at length you should check out Rob_Ally I’m sure you’ll be amazed at their story. The only other thing I’ve noticed in your post is .... you’re inviting a 3rd party into your most intimate acts ..... they too need to COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, RESPECT AND BEHAVE ACCORDINGLY. This is a whole other mission you and Wifey need to address, that person has feelings, ideas, perceptions that need to be discussed as an open honest 3-some so no one gets hurt. This man she meets with may just be in it for himself, he may be in it for her, he might be a gem and be completely considerate of your boundaries as Husband and hers as Your Wife whom he’s been granted the privilege of sharing this moment with. Just make certain you have your Bull by the horns, your wife has your back and you both trust and love each other implicitly, forsaking all others beating your Primary Relationship. If you can get that right there’s a lot of couples here who are successfully enjoying their newfound and increased love, trust and appreciation of each other and what they have together ~ Wishing you both all the best, Indy
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On_Safari
7 years ago
🙄
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RHP User
7 years ago
Firstly, I wanted to just say thank you to everyone who has responded here, I'm incredibly grateful there was such a forum for me to express openly the feelings here - it's not exactly the thing you can discuss with your mother... Both myself and my darling wife have read all the comments, it's been really useful having so many opinions of both the risks and rewards, we still don't know for sure if we will go ahead, are we ready? can you ever truly be ready :) I asked myself and the wife the question Rlee552 mentioned, if we could go back to the turning point where we started this journey and stop before it started would we? we unanimously agreed we would not, it may have been uncomfortable feeling such feelings, becoming aware of fears I didn't know were there - yet I would not change it. We've always wanted to live a extraordinary life, living life on our own terms - we have in so many area's achieved this yet all with their own challenges, maybe this one was just the next step on our journey. And to the wife who know doubt will be reading this - I love you, and grateful we are on this journey together, whatever the outcome.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
As FatFunFiesty already stated. Never a truer word. Its always the " what if " that stands in the way of the excitement . Overthink things and it your excitement will inevidently stall and it ends up doing your head in. With our own experience , the highs were when my wife gave me the biggest broardest smile and thumbs up while she was enjoying the moment.. thats why we were there. The down side was when we went to dinner after that and my wife started to doubt if what she just experienced was right or not ? But we figured this to be par for the course. We also figured you cant go a lifetime being taught one thing , then doing another.. But commonsense won in the end and we enjoyed our dinner.. My advice is , dont overthink , that only confuses . Expect to experience the excitment , thats only natural . But keep it simple , have your boundrys , its your experiment , and let the person you invite know what they are. Last... the experience is usually as good as what you expect. Dont spoil it with thousands of what if's. If you cant get past that , its best left as a fantacy..
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Readyfors0mefun
7 years ago
Male half thoughts. Only last year we had our first Mfm experience and went through the exact same questions as you guys are. My biggest fear was even though we had spoken extensively about it and set the boundaries ect was what if it caused feelings for either of us that we wernt prepared for ? There was always the fear of ruining a perfect relationship. We just discussed everything for a few months until we were both ready and found the right guy. My advice would be take your time and find the right guy that you're both happy with. I know for me I have a few boxes that need to be ticked by a guy before I'm happy to have him join me in pleasuring my wife. Respect for her and our relationship being the most important. We got so lucky in both of the times we've added another man by the men being great guys and totally respectful. So many emotions ran through me before during and after. Somehow I think it's those emotions that make us want more. It's definitely a rollercoaster but I wouldn't change it at all. Good luck either way 👍
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FredAndGinger2
7 years ago
So much great advice has already been offered. What helped guide our discussions through all the emotions was this book: The ESSENTIAL GUIDE for Adventurous Couples by Chantelle Austin Read it together and you'll be better prepared through strong communication.
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RHP User
7 years ago
But her “heart” belongs to him...
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RHP User
7 years ago
I wanted that comment to be at the end of the first page 😂
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Quote : But her heart belongs to him.. Im sure it does and will continue to.? I dont think wanting to enhance a relationship by adding a new experience is going to change that . Seems to me the OP are strong enough in that department and will handle this with the maturity the situation deserves, but i do get where your coming from.
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madotara69
7 years ago
Quoting FatFunFiesty Feb 07, 2019...Report Abuse | Reply with Quote | Reply Reply Post 1 person liked this FatFunFiesty Woman 38yrs ......Technically Anti..... she belongs to she..... not thee, thou or they..... my one cent 😊 Quoting 'Rapunzel82' But her “heart” belongs to him...
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RHP User
7 years ago
What a well written post....... and for what it's worth, I'd say that you appear to be a lot more confident than most, given your ability to describe, and courage to describe, the spectrum of your emotions reacting to your scenario, an admirable trait. Again, for what it's worth, consider waiting for the right guy, one that has an equal desire to see you pleasured from the experience as he does for her, a guy you will sense, is on the same level as you, which may then lead to an even heightened experience, as all 3 feed of the eroticism you create. Sounds like your partner is equally invested in your desires / emotions as you are hers, so take your time, be picky, be in control of choices equally with her, and be blunt with the guys. When the right one comes along, (and he will) enjoy bloke !!
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RHP User
7 years ago
When we got into swinging had no experience with the casual sex scene and came from conservative backgrounds. To engage in any form of sharing was microscopically examined and definitely over-thought. Not a bad thing. But it really is a whole different game. For us, it is a game of adventure - it can be fun, massively horny, satisfying even. It is also high risk. Our first roll of the dice was MFM (more MF but Mr Fun watched). That was nearly five years ago. Swinging is the cherry on top of our luscious long life together and this underpins how we play this swinging game. There's been so much good advice given here already so I won't bore everyone, I will just add four things that work for us: * Both have equal power of pause &/or veto. At any time for any reason. * It must be fun for both. When one persons enjoyment is traded at the others expense the game has changed.* No secrets or withholding. The game changes at covert activities like deleted messages or other forms of duplicity like withholding your feelings (mixed or otherwise). * Have a secret language, phrases with a cryptic subtext only you two know. For example, a seemingly throw away line about decaffeinated coffee could actually be code for an emphatic not negotiable "get me out of here!" Game changers can be corrosive but they can also be an opportunity for more negotiation. Which takes work and commitment - you know the un-horny stuff. The pay off's are massive. Oh my, when those dice land in a delicious, sweaty toe-curling kinda way - it is hedonistic heaven! Hope that helps. Mrs Fun
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Well said... i think u guys got it worked out well...
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RHP User
7 years ago
There are some really good comments here. My two bob’s worth (ie Mr 300O): 1. Honest communication are so important. Not just with each other, but with the M. If he knows your concerns, he can work with you to make it a great experience. Honest communication should also include as it is your first time, you will stop if it is not right for either of you, but you both hoping it works. 2. The right guy is critical. As your first time, you want someone who is experienced doing this and his main turn on is seeing a couple enjoy it. 3. Your wife must really love you and you need to hear, feel and know it. Mrs 300O loves me so much, always tells me, so I don’t get jealous. 4. You will never know for sure how it goes until you try it. I personally think you guys will love it, especially if you and the other guy pleasure your wife together. So I say...go for it! Good luck and report back how it went.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Nothing beats the voice of experience.. well said... had me nodding all the way..
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RHP User
7 years ago
Well, I'll be struck light lightening.. you two are the same as myself and my husband.. the same everything all most everything still not hit the right person. If only both lived in Perth then we could chat about the same problem... atm he has given up on RHP frankly that was my fault but, I like the forums give me ideas like you both.... We want a MMF... however, I have many reasons why I dont want strangers... so we got a problem because my fix is a friend without the after crap.... however, now i am on the bloody fence thinking perhaps we will wait for a I Robot to purchase once they get there act together with how real they are.. Ha!
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eurotwous
7 years ago
Quoting 'AnnieWhichway'Welcome to the world of fantasy chasing. Fantasies are a weird convolutions of desire and taboo. They can act like a drug to heighten your senses and like drugs, can ruin your life. But your addiction has started. Your use of fantasy has intensified your sexual life and your relationship. Is there anyway to turn back? To withdraw? Like drugs, withdrawal is a difficult process. It can flatten your sex life and thus your relationship. To not proceed and keep that adrenaline running, will eat at you both for ever. The not knowing. The regrets of not giving it a go. this is so fucking well-written and observed. Kudos
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thank you for your question. I glad to hear from the male perspective as my husband has reservations about proceeding as he feels like it is cheating and I would not do that. I love him so much and prepared to sacrifice my fantasy needs to ensure he knows I love and respect him. I am happy to wait until he feels comfortable. If he never does than I will just introduce him to couple toys😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
We know where you're coming from. We decided to have moving boundaries and only shifting them when we were comfortable doing so. It can be a long process of learning about each other and yourself. It's normal to feel emotions, worries, jealousy. Just keep talking to each other and telling each other how you feel. Patience is usually all that's required. Maybe even one day, she'll be comfy to share you too and the shoe will be on the other foot.
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RHP User
7 years ago
It’s definitely something you need to be sure about. Things CAN go wrong with this scenario especially if there is a hint of doubt in the foundations of your relationship. Having 100% trust in each other is obviously vital, there is no doubt your relationship will be tested but I can say for certain if you guys are solid, and your wife is able to distinguish the difference between deep love and hot sex with no strings attached then you won’t look back. It’s common for this type of super hot fun has had some sort of rocky road for either brief or extended periods, depending on how solid your relationship is. For us personally MFM and couples swap is one of the most sexually gratifying things you can do. The word intense doesn’t do it justice but it can take time to evolve. It’s not easy to do what you have done with speaking out about it, often you will be judged and some take pleasure out of making you look silly for stating your concerns. Happy to share more of our experiences if you wish to message us.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
I like this.... " often you will be judged and some will take pleasure out of making you look silly for stating your concerns " So true , and is why walking this delicate road can be so difficult at times. Sharing is a gift to each other. Only those who accept this, truly understand.
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RHP User
7 years ago
3000orgasms you nailed it perfectly. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Sawadee yep it’s why there a a lot of couples that are new to the scene or interested in dipping their toes but won’t ask for advice for fear of being misinterpreted, misquoted or torn to shreds because their views may be different or their lack of experience shows. In saying that there are some awesome people/couples who can be incredibly helpful with experience based insights and that is very clear on this post. After all, sharing is caring 😁 just sometimes there are numerous “not so nice” responses.
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Nettel
7 years ago
I faced exactly the same predicament, my wife doubted how I would react and was unsure as well. We met a great couple on here and as luck would have it the lady was not in a position to join in (obvious reasons) we both sat and watched as they pleasured each other. To say that after they left the sex we had together was amazing. From the doubt in the beginning to finding it an absolute turn on has changed my mind.
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JAMMAR
7 years ago
Go 4 it. You have done your homework. Use a validated guy. The first time may not go to plan but will leave you with another experience. You wont look back.
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newcumers69
7 years ago
Firstly, I wouldn't be letting her go alone you're opening a can of worms I'd say your relationship is morr important than a fantasy also how can you ensure her safety?Secondly if you have doubts don't do it until you're both ready. Lastly if you think your emotions are tested beforehand imagine afterwards it is a rollercoaster but you it's important you reconnect immediately and hold no angst or jealousy. Remember you are not obligated to do anything put your relationship first.
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RHP User
7 years ago
There is some good advice in here. We spent a lot of time talking about it and when we were ready I went looking for the right guy to join us. It took a long time to filter the so called studs that weren’t sure they could perform in front of me. But we were very luck to find the right guy on this site that respected me as much as he wanted my wife. (Of you read this mate thank you) It was an amazing night of sex.Which in the end is all that it is, Adults having a good time. I loved watching the pleasure on her face when she mouthed “I love you” to me. I think the most important thing is knowing you are loved more than anything by your wife and to remember its only sex. Our own sex life has also become intense and has gone to another level of love and respect for each other. A place I didn’t think was possible because we already loved each other unconditionally. Delle now has free reign to look all she likes. But we have to talk about everything. Communication is the key to stopping any wayward thoughts in your head. To summarise you need a solid relationship, communication, and no jealousy because someone is going to fuck her and she will probably absolutely love it and want more. Doesn’t mean they are better than you, just a different experience. You fuck her with passion and love. Guests will fuck her to hear her moan.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Dont do it! Your experience sounds EXACTLY the same as when my ex wife and I. Has she had contact with this guy without you present? Some guys on here are out to play with a girls emotions, while others are legit. I'd be very cautious my friend.... I'd also like to ask if she is very experienced If she is someone who can she separate love from sex then by all means have fun.
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RHP User
7 years ago
If you like to message me privately I will open your eyes to something you wont believe... This is REAL not a joke! You'll thank me for it later.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I know exactly what you're feeling. Felt more like sky diving to me. Just take the plunge. It's scary as he'll. Your heart will race. Your stomach might twist a little. But understand that's probably your conditioning towards monogamy talking. And after its done you'll float back down with all these thoughts and emotions to unpack together. And you'll probably find that she gets turned on by you getting turned on seeing her get fucked and that energy will feed your sex life. I don't believe in that beta cuckold bullshit. You love your wife sharing her doesn't make you less it makes you more. The really important part of sharing your wife isn't the sex part. It's the part where you two reconnect afterwards physically, emotionally and spiritually. Open and honesty is key. Take extra time to talk and listen to her and dig deep. She's probably got a million more things going through her mind than yours. If you get pleasure by seeing her pleased, you're on the right track but be prepared. Understand that the way she wants to get fucked is likely a way that you don't fuck her. It's all fantasy separate from you. A different body. A different dick. A different face to look back at. She could make sounds you don't hear, faces you don't see. Even have a slight attachment afterwards. Be prepared for that. If you're not, have a good poker face. She can only enjoy herself if you and externally and internally grounded in yourself as a man, as a lover. If you're hurt in any way she'll know it and feel guilty about feeling good. You can't control the way you've been conditioned to believe until it gets challenged. We had an amazing first time. We didn't work out for completely different reasons but when it came to this stuff. It was hot as hell and I'm glad we did it. It challenges you and you grow from it together. Anyways that's just my experience on the matter and the same story I tell anyone who asks me about it and in writing this to a man my senior I mean the utmost respect
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jualfun
7 years ago
OMG no emotional attachment right it’s just a fuck.Just saying.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thanks for sharing, yes this lifestyle can be an emotional roller coaster. As many have said you need to be rock solid in your relationship and by the underlying tone of your post it seems that you may not be ready for a MFM encounter. My suggestion is to maybe invite another couple for same room play, with no pressure to swap and just let things develop naturally. It’s just an option but I feel it may be a good first step for you both, just remember to alway be open with each other and respect each other’s feelings. I wish you both well with your journey it has been amazing for my wife and I but in the end you both are at least discussing this which is fantastic.
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princeofporn
7 years ago
sounds like you have thought about this lots & for a long time & it turns you both on & makes you both horny just talking about it & thinking about it so maybe you should dip the toe in then the foot, then leg & so on hehe what I am saying is start very slow & build up to the full thing then if you hit a mark your not comfortable with you stop because isn't it better to have tried something & find out it is not for you ( at least you tried ) than to never try it & not know maybe it will be the best experience maybe not but you will never know if you don't give it ago. Now I know I am only a single & never had to go through what you are trying to decide what to do but I have been with a Cpl who was in the same boat as you & what seemed to help was baby steps over some time so like what I said before about dip a toe then foot then leg & so on start small & work your way up so your main goal is to have a 3some with a guy well some of the things I did with this other couple was try starting small maybe have a guy in the room with you & just watch first no touching see how you feel. Then the next time if you liked that have him watch & naked while masturbating but still no touching. The next time maybe try him joining you but he only touches her with his hands so how it goes then next time maybe go to him touching her & her touching him. If you didn't like some of this that tells you it might not be for you but if you both love t & want more you could move next time maybe they can kiss & he just give her oral & touching. Then finally if you are both happy with everything & still turned on & horny by everything & you want to do more he could have full sex with her & your 3some is complete & as for my experience all those things didn't happen in 1 night it was over the course of a few months & meetings together. So I hope my message has helped a little bit, I wish you both the best of luck what ever you decide to do.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Guess some issues arise from idea of "sharing" your wife. Tranform to "agreeing to opportunities for her to enjoy herself" ("and, myself, as a consequence") and the angst might lessen.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Don’t do it
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sexuallover
7 years ago
Don’t think so much about it and let it happen If your wife loves you the way you say There will be no problems Just make an agreement that if either isn’t comfortable going forward Do it once and move on Pondering makes matters worse
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RHP User
7 years ago
Shared wife = Sweet wife I like sharing my wife , best part when you fucking her creamed pussy, no words can explain that sweet feling
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RHP User
7 years ago
What about a mff? Would you think you would be both so afraid of it? Would it be an issue? I guess we wouldn't hear much about having to share the hubby. I think it's worth thinking about it a bit and try to resonate around it, having some perspective.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Just be careful. From our recent experience we have learnt there are a lot of crazies on this site. A lot! Druggies who look and seem ok but theyre far from it. Also plenty of Aholes. Do what we do now. Be super careful who you chose to play with. Validations and descriptions that indicate experience with COUPLES ..is critical! Meet them for coffee first! What ever you do .do not host until you know there not insane or high on ice.
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Quoting 'goldcoastcple69' Just be careful. From our recent experience we have learnt there are a lot of crazies on this site. A lot! Druggies who look and seem ok but theyre far from it. Also plenty of Aholes. Do what we do now. Be super careful who you chose to play with. Validations and descriptions that indicate experience with COUPLES ..is critical! Meet them for coffee first! What ever you do .do not host until you know there not insane or high on ice. Unfortunately it can be a problem. Couples as well if they both get on the juice together. There is a couple that have messaged me very late in the night or early morning. They have in their profile( not this site) that they party hard which is code for ice. For the unsuspecting trans girl who might be at a loose end and gets that obviously wide spread offer, she could get more than she signed up for.It's jungle out there
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RHP User
7 years ago
I wonder if the insecurity is because your fantasy you chose the guy to use your wife "fuck her if you will" was because you had control and you dictated terms. Your doubts issues insecurity appear to be due to her talking to the guys, her picking the guy's, her building am emotional bond. Take back the keyboard take back control. It is still a joint decision but yo uwont have the jealousy if you have control
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RHP User
7 years ago
I love seeing the person I love the most enjoy herself. x
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RHP User
7 years ago
Congratulations on such a great insight as to your thoughts. I wish you both good luck, myself and lots of others would love to hear how your 1st time goes, please keep us informed,
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thanks for such an honest thread. Some really heartfelt and honest answers of peoples experiences. Lots of interesting responses. Mostly personally interested because we just went down this rabbit hole 2 weeks ago. Well similar burrow, but not same same scenario. After 2 years toying with the idea, many months talking about this, and only probably last few months seriously considering the first step, my wife took the plunge. Not poly, but the open relationship scenario we decided we identify as best for us. Not your scenario and preferred dynamic. We initially tried the online thing and had exact same result as you guys. With her getting inundated with PM's as new gal on the block. Plus she's a communicator and polite and returned all messages. Till the point it just got out of control. I got nada. Jealousy arose. We then stopped online and explored forums and the like around the fringes. Either way similar potential emotional maelstrom. My wife loves bush duff dance festivals and I do not. So she went to one recently and timing was right and she had the space and permission to play. I stayed home with our child and she went and lived her paradise on dance floor. To her the flirting and playing up to the point of not actually having sex, is the juice. The actual sexual deed is more the trade off, more for the guy, almost as an obligation, not for her pleasure. I thought I was totally prepared emotionally. Even brought her the condoms(essential criteria for me) She came home on an emotional high. 98% from the dancing. I didn't ask and we didn't discuss it till in bed that night, after she came home from the festival, and then she told me. I was cool at first and even found it very arousing. We made love and it was all pretty cool. Then the emotional cheque arrived next day that I didn't forsee or particuarly want. I was miserable in the pit of my stomach, all day. My thoughts constantly returned to the feeling of lead in my stomach. That afternoon I gave into it, I suppose instead of trying to suppress it slightly or just sit with it all day as I had been. I knew these feelings would definitely come up in varying degrees. But was totally unprepared to the extent they did. The flood gates opened and I cried for 20 minutes driving home. It help unleash the emotional malaise I couldn't articulate. We discussed it in depth that night and next day was more of same, but not as intense. That evening though(2 days after event) I was drunk to try and numb the pain, even though we had been totally open about it all, and when I went to bed, I cried me a river that I could not control. Weeping for some unnamable thing, my being felt it had lost. All the while my wife holding me. This seemed to flush the majority of the detritus from my psyche. I've been pretty ok with it since. I consented. I agreed. I encouraged. I tried my best to not taint and spoil the occassion for my wife. But in the end I was a total slave to my emotions and waaaaay more vulnerable than I could have ever imagined. I don't regret it. My wife doesn't regret it. Ultimately we realise one one of us had to go first. I wish you luck in your journey.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Thank you for the honest appraisal of your experience. I can identify with what you had to say specially the after thoughts . I also experienced that down time where i questioned things before i finally reasoned my awkward feelings were all par for the course. You cant live most your life thinking one way then doing the opposite. We made a adult decision to act on this adventure together which we both enjoyed and now look back in fond memory. So would we do this again ? A. Yes.. The magic look , smile and thumbs up from my wife in that moment was priceless..
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RHP User
7 years ago
Open and honest communication and transparent interaction is the only way this shit can work as far as our experience goes. We are currently still working through a trust breakdown from a secret sideline chat that evolved between the bride and a recent MMF partner we had. And once the trust is lost, it is a long and bumpy fucking road to rebuilding it.........
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RHP User
7 years ago
I am feeling very much the same. Watching porn, fantasising, live streaming on kik swapping pics on RHP and talking dirty with hubby does it for me!turns me on so much , so much I even squirted for the first time and I could really see my self fulfilling these fantasies. Untill... hubby started to organise meet ups then that’s when it really hit home. All these things flooded my head - what happens if hubby falls for the chick or the guy. What happens if I do. Diseases with out using protection. Pregnancy. ( I don’t have to worry about these things I’ve been with hubby for 23 yrs and he now has the snip so no more babies ) Not being able to handle him or her, ( too big) Gossiping, kids,all sorts of things so I chickened out several times. I could see hubby was really wanting to fulfill his dreams but I was holding him back. I did agree on going with hubby and watching them and if comfortable may join in. He was happy about this so we may start with that.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Reading for research purposes... great insights . Newbie here . Been all exciting so far for both of us
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RHP User
7 years ago
Perhaps another option to consider, meet a couple who are comfortable with female watching her partner join you two (and she not be involved). It might help reduce the worry a little since you know he is already in a happy relationship and he will not only be respecting your boundaries but his partners also. Just a thought....good luck x x
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RHP User
7 years ago
As a couple thats been together for fifteen years we discussed some fantasies both having lovers before we met although i would go into some detail about what i used to do with the girls and having a MMF when i was eighteen with a friend and his girlfriend at the time my wife was very interested in all the details.But when i asked her about some of her sexual experiences she would only tell me a little about them going quite although it annoyed me i didn't push the issue.Anyway A few years went past and one night watching a porno as i was licking her pussie i asked her if she would like to be like the girl on the screen doing a MFM surprising me by saying maybe yes it would be exciting we started to explore the feeling of two cocks using a dildo she would back up on it as she was sucking my cock now telling me if we had a MFM would it upset me seeing another man fucking her all i could say was as long as we are both sure and dont leave one just watching for to long always of course there is one on one time with him and you should arrange the meeting.She placed adds looking for a single even though i asked if a couple would be better first time with in a week she had five replies and after talking to them all on the phone telling me they all sounded great and with two of them she had phone sex and used her vibrator whilst talking and cumming with them saying sorry she just got so horny listening to what they were going to do to her.Okay pick one and lets meet him next day we booked a motel room waiting for him to arrive i told him its her first threesome he said yes we talked for over two hours on the phone then he jumped on the bed with her between her legs going straight for her pussie then both started ripping each others clothes off now naked going at a fast pace kissing swapping tongues ending in a 69er then i seen her freshly shaved of all hair pussie i tried to get her to fondle my cock but he seemed to have control of her okay i said if yous want me to watch for awhile but thats not the plan ignoring me only talking now and then even after i said enough his comment was look at her she wants me first she agreed with him pissing me off.Now i didn't care as they had no intentions of stopping he got her doing things shocking me it become quite boring for me i couldnt watch but the way he was slamming into her every one in the complex could here them didnt even use the condoms i brought for him.So what MADOTARA69 warned could happen happened to me and the wife got so lost in the pleasure she was getting from him after four hours i slept thruogh a couple missing out on what went on as he was leaving he reminded her about there meeting three days later telling me she is one hot chick and i can stay home if i didnt want to come with her next time he will look after her then left she was still laying on the bed leaking his cum out of her pussie i turned her over spread her arse cheeks and was looking at a well fucked arse also leaking his cum all she could say was sorry i got so into him he could do anything to me.Never again will i let you do this no respect at all for me be careful what you want to experence in a MFM or it could end up been a MF and you only a cuckold
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GermanBurrito
7 years ago
You seem quite concerned about the rollercoaster, and rightly so. I would NOT go down the path of her meeting men on her own, at least not initially. You are opening a pandora box. What if she finds that game more attractive than you?What if you can't stand the thought of her being with other men in real life?Jealousy can come and resentment of her playing alone can come. How are you prepared to deal with it? Take baby steps, go with her to meet the guy. Hire a babysitter.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Of course your wife is going to enjoy her moment with a new man .. Its exciting stepping outside the boundrys after 15 years of wedded bliss. After reading your post , it appears your guest took control and that ( in my opinion ) is not the way it should happen unless thats the way you wanted .. First consideration is what you and your wife expect and stick to it... Notning wrong with getting into it and enjoying the moment , but important to stay within the boundries you both discussed beforehand. Remember what MFM means... Done right with good understanding , no one gets thier nose outta joint and then its smiles all round. ..
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eurotwous
7 years ago
(artificial) boundaries, loss of controls..you hit it on the head.You can't have your cake and eat it too... When you open up your relationship in a sexual way,group sex/multiple partnersex in its original, true primal sense is a no holes barred exercise.Your spouse gets the full right to enjoy herself with her new sex partner(s)whichever way she likes it, and so are you,as long as it is consensual ( ie her consent for her being fucked, not yours :) and safe. Same room, separate rooms, who cares, 15yrs of marriage, she's a big girl after all, and you are a big boy, just keep it safe for both of you if you bring jealousy, control, vanity, pride issues into it, they will explode right into your face,which is what happened. Why not just enjoy the sight of her being pleasured, participate, encourage her,bring along a new sex partner and fuck her, open up..or shall I say.. mature up.This is about mutual pleasure and respect, not supposed to be a brain twisting mind game
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RHP User
7 years ago
Very well written I must admit means you care and feel so deeply about her feelings as well as your own.I believe in many things for sex however, you MUST never, ever put doubt or perhaps a moment of mistrust or your asking for trouble, Honesty is the only possibility I am afraid if you do then this could potentially end up in the shitter (pardon my pun) Sexual openness is one hell of a turn on and when it is mutual never allow your hesitation, or your insecurity to shudder because it is the main characteristic that your partner if your wife is relying on this factor to fall this is because dynamic sexual chemistry can be the driving force to acceptance. Once you start quivering and hesitating this could and will (in my case) stop all action happening and for me its a big no no to alter the facts. I am a very in tune with my sexual likes and dislikes and to be perfectly honest that area has no business in playing "lets play silly buggers with her mind" now I say this because of my past experiences some good and alot was not. For me I am lucky I have an ability to still smile and want to have sex and being adventurous to me that is being a strong women and letting go of ppl that did take without asking and the other is the person I am with it is a compliment to him sometimes it seems that listening skills is one of the hardest skills to learn. For everyone.. we must remember and be mindful of how important it is to listen and listen very carefully to one another if trauma is involved why on earth would you try and shatter her confidence when she feels so safe in your hands.. that is how I feel about my husband.. however, If I get a sniff of insecurity from him (rarely however) then all bets are off and my body shuts down as a mechanism.... I was confused within myself but, thankful that my subconscious still cares about me... I believe in voicing what you like even if inappropriate however, again if you want me to paint it for you then our kink is going to suffer because the DOM SuB relationship falls apart me being the sub and all.. That is a trust I cannot say to you how rare that is for me.. so my advise is if you cannot understand me then wtf are you doing? Very very important to communicate without thinking of your own needs be open, be mindful and be truthful because if any of her trauma is around trust, compassion and old fashion respect then your going to get the rage of me in a tone even Satan will shake his head at.. no disrespect.. but, shit, if you want respect from me..damn well give me the respect i give you... Honesty isnt difficult it is something you understand or not.. that easy that simple.... Love experiencing new things however, if I cannot even get that part then you have no business in my face...because I will cut you down like a wild animal (must be the irish/italian in me) or is that what respect is when it is reciprocated?
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Very well thought out post.. i understand perfectly what you're saying and agree with the communication and respect you mentioned. But i cant help feeling if you place too much enficist on these things it may have the reverse effect. By all means , communicate your feelings , accept what it is that would please the both of you but then move on with your plan and a open mind. Jealousy is a human emotion , but if you decide this is the path you both want to take ? You need to be prepared to accept the jealousies and deal with it .. Reassuring each other , before , dueing , and afterwards ' is in my opinion the only way.. lt is what it is , be mature enough to reason it out , if you cant mentally get over it, dont go there...
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RHP User
7 years ago
I’m feeling your trepidation, my husband is a voyeur we have not discussed it I’ve only just found out and have joined this site for advice and a way forward. I love my husband and his sexual pleasure is important to me so I’m willing to try this out because I feel as though this is my last resort and TBH feel a little turned on by the idea of being able to participate with him. I think honestly trust rules and communication must be addressed before anything else. This is to strengthen our relationship not find a new one.
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