Gonna ask it... Stigma against us single mamas?

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  dont think its relevant if your after a casual relationship if you and your partner want to develope it to the next level then you need to discuss your situation but everyone has a history and you and your toddler come as a package you cant compartmentalise it, its a fact of life and if people arent mature enough to deal with it good riddance plus you are a woman with needs so fulfill them as best as you see fit you can still be a great mother as well as a sensual woman

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  hey booba first off gotta say love your profile pic ... thats my kinda burger.. plus with your heavy posting regime its all over my hme page lol your profile says your trying to ween yourself off the forums.. not much luck hey?   on topic   i think its really a matter of relevance above all .. a need to know basis i suppose obviosly a one nighter doesnt really need to know but if youve come to a point with your "buddies" where your're chatting about your lives i dont see any reason to hold it back were mostly adults here .. at least i assume so.. im fairly new here and like pablo said if they cant deal, riddance to them   me personally i have no problem with any of my FB's, FWBs having kids or whether they feel the need to tell me or not one of my FWBs has children and we reguarly talk about them as we do with important things in my life thats the good thing about freinds you can talk to them... very threapeutic Lol and if shes reading this ... Thanks babe... you rock!! the other night was amazing. one word .. sopping.. lo.l mmm but i digress i dont reallly thinks its lying if they choose not to tell me,. i acccept the fact that some of the people i meet might be living "mini" lives whislt they are with me but i think once you start making up stories to hide the fact that you have kids then maybe your crossing the line ableit a smalll one.

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  contemplating1

  14 years ago

  I'm at ease with it. We all come here with our "different" circumstances to socialise in one way or another. People having children single/married etc situations doesnt change the person to me. So, I don't mind whether it is disclosed or not.   I guess the main, people it "may" affect are those that have the perception that single Mums are just chasing a long term relationship etc....And thats their issue to sort out.   Anyway.....Have a good one!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  is there a stgma? in this 'elightened age'?.......i personally never saw it....for me, when here as a single myself, there was no difference between 'single mum' and 'childless woman'...if anything, the single mums proved to be more 'reliable' and more 'realistic' in their expectations and their availability......at my age (then late 30's) most of the women i encountered had 'history' .......quite often that included children.........

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I am also in that similar situation .. tho mine are no longer toddlers .they are in fact all of an age where they are non dependent, . having the children (very late teens and early twenties) still living at home can be problematic not just from my side ... in not being able to bring guys back to my place ... but in Guys .. saying . NO thanks .. you have baggage .. and I'm not into the whole offspring being around situation .. this has happened more than once .. seems whilst guys don't have a problem with us women being mothers ... when you mention that the children are in close proximity (at home or even less than 100k away from home) ... they immediately change tune and say .. NO thanks .. siting they don't wish to have contact with what they deem DEPENDENTS ..

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Your a single, independent woman, so it shouldn't make any difference in a casual setting, where you're in control of who you see, when and where. The only time it could/would be important is if you both chose to take whatever relationship you had to the next level.It may also just come up in general conversation/pillow talk, at which point it still shouldn't make any difference. After all both parties understand the casual nature of the relationship and that each has a life outside of it.Casual means casual, ie. "when I can". There can be many outside influences that affect one ability to meet, of which kids is only one. It shouldn't matter to your FB/FWB, and depending on your relationship with them, it probably shouldn't matter to you whether it matters to them.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  or not that I have noticed anyway. l I am always upfront about the fact that I have kids. Mine as well as others as it is also my work. The majority of people in my age group have children anyway and it can and does have an impact on when I can play or meet or travel. SOME ignorant macho types get it into thier head that if you have a child and are on your own then you must be easy and desparate for a bit of action.....any action. More fool them!!!!! l I would suggest that it comes up naturally in chat, or conversation. I find it part of the getting to know someone stage. It is up to you what and how much you tell prospective play mates. If they are gonna be a one off then dont feel obliged to tell them anything. It is none of thier business and you have the need to protect your baby anyway. l I look upon it as a friend thing. My female friends know I have kids....my male friends know I have kids. Men just do not get invited into my life (or my bed) on a whim and I rarely (if ever) do the one night stand thing. My own child knows that if I ever got serious with a man, he would be the first to know as I would bring him home to meet him, as does any foster child in my care at the time old enough to understand. In saying that, I do have the occassional man at my place yes, but only when the kids are not around. Remember there are people out there who dont want to play with those of us who have kids. (Think back to the furore Focus caused a few months back when that subject was raised and all the nasty names she got called because she dared to put forward her view) I understand this completely as my time is never my own, my phone can never be switched off and I may have to cancel at the last minute if one gets sick or I get a new child in overnight. Often my phone can (and does) ring at the most inopportune moments with one of my kids needing to know something. I have had one man back rapidly away when finding out I had a toddler in my care and suggest that perhaps I give him a call when the toddler was no longer in my care.... Well kids are a major part of my life so... NEXT!!!!!!! l My advice would be to just let it come up in conversation. Dont rush in and volunteer the information BUT most people will ask about kids, family at some stage. If someone does not want to continue once they find out, too bad, their loss and not yours. l There are plenty more men out there but your child can only ever have one mother.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I've made no secret of the fact that I'm a single dad. My kids live with me full-time, which puts me in a minority, as it is usually the mother who is the primary carer.The reality is that being a single dad can have an impact on a lot of things I do, from work to my social life, so I like to be up front about it.I haven't been discriminated against because of this, in fact, in some cases, I've been looked on as almost a superman, which I find to be a bit disturbing.....I'm a single parent, doing exactly the same as any other single parent. There's nothing special about that.In terms of "playtime"...well, it's pretty much non-existent, as my children's mother lives interstate, and only visits during the school holidays....but since I haven't - yet - had the pleasure of meeting anyone from this site face to face, I can't really say that it's cramping my style. Truth is, I'm more here for the forums, and for the online acquaintances I've made, than for any realistic expectation of a meet.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Some wont mind and some will' but they wont admit it's a problem if they can get a bit of pussy.. Its a bit hit and miss on who is genuine and who isnt' but thats the way life is even off RHP..Believe half of what they tell you 'then divide it into 2 and then ur getting close to the truth... Hope I dont sound too negative, but I have seen it happen to my sister... anyway' have fun...

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Because we all have one.On this site, like any other internet site, ppl only know what you choose to tell them. Personally I don't see ppl having kids as a bad thing, more another side to them that you don't know about unless they tell you.We all have our past and we all divulge what we choose to, to whom we choose to when we choose to. (try saying that three times fast )

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  In a random just sex, there is no stigma its just sex. But if it moves to next level I think if the single mum had been in multiple relationships, multiple kids to multiple Dads, some guys would be questioning the relationship. History tends to repeat itself!   Then if she was married to one guy for some time, they had for example their own home and he died in car accident etc there is no stigma attached.   But then all this is easier said than done.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  What we choose to, to whom we choose to, when we choose to What we choose to, to whom we choose to, when we choose to What we choose to, to whom we choose to, when we choose to I give a a non-facebook LIKE Haha, I tend to over think things and confuse myself. So your comments eased my mind. The old school way I was brought up still has an inner voice at times that makes me paranoid at times... Like what are people really thinking... I know how I feel and treat others accordingly, i just guess I still keep my guard up just in case I encounter others that have their own ideas etc

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  well if they call u superman, and your avatar is superhero chest like, just like superman   OWN it!!   Go to a meet and greet and wear a superman cape and your undies on the outside, i reckon you'd get some attention

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Oh, I have a much more attention-getting costume than a Superman suit!

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