I think it's funny but I am curious to know

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  tamworthguy46

  16 years ago

  Mmmm an interesting little story....so the question is why do some guys like to be naged at ?.....well it is probably as complicated as what you think, you probably can't realy steriotype every guy from that one eperience.maybee with that one guy in particular, he may have some issues with making decisions that are good for him, and is looking for someone with direction....subconcious or not..!!......ive seen that heaps where guys want to take a submissive role in their relationships....I,m not realy shure weather they are sexually submissive also as rule aswell?......which role did he take sexually ?.............you describe yourself as submissive, i asume that means sexually ?...are you dominant or submissive in other areas of your life ?...........Like youself I like to question my and others behaviour !   People are different and looking for different things, compromise is often the key to sucess in relationships, casual or otherwise me thinks

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Errr.... No. Some guys might like to be nagged... but when nagged, I do the opposite, unless I realise that the opposite is actually what she wants me to do... in which case I do what I want to do. I generally do that anyway. See a good friend is one who doesnt insist that you do anything other than what it is you do... and a lover if not a friend i ssimply a fuck buddy... And anyway.. people are all very complicated individuals with their own likes, dislikes, kinks and pursuasions.. adn to make things worse, we can change our minds... feel strong and independent one day and feel like we want our mummies the next day.   Nagging is belting someone around the eardrums in order to get he or she to do what you want them to do. Hardly the instrument of a true friend... and for me, rarely effective. I'm a kind of flattery will get you everywhere sort of guy. Pull my strings and I will play whatever tune you want... and spank me soundly when you discover that I've been misbehaving.. but don't nag! What fun is there in that?   Love and hugs Gaz

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Hmm seems like it's not a guy or girl thing as you say he ended up wanting a bit of nagging and his other gf got sick of him when he submitted to the nagging.I think it might be a symptom of something wrong in the particular relationship. I've never actually been with a nagger! Maybe I just didn't purue the naggers. My relationships have been based on actually enjoying the other persons company and sharing in their stuff and they sharing in mine. A little self time is always good too!I can't say I ever get bored of being with my partner and the only time I could ever say she nags is when I'm being a lazy so and so and haven't been pulling my weight!So am I the only lucky man on this earth or does nagging have something to do with the kinetics of the relationship?Oh and can someone tell me how to get out of these forums - I just don't have the time and I'm getting hooked! haha

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  tamworthguy46

  16 years ago

  Yeah forums are addictave.....we wiil prolly be sick of them soon....I hope !...lol.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I think perhaps some guys find that the nagging validates thier position in the relationship, wether they like it or not. Crazy perhaps, that someone may put up with something they dont like simply to justify thier existance with another person. simiarlirly women often find themselves with men who lie, despite this being a generally undesirable trait. Without the nagging your former bloke may have felt that he had no real concern to you in your life. Or perhaps he went back to the ex( despite her nagging) because he knew the way in to get his end wet while you were away on holidays, was nagged into a commitment ( to get his end wet) and then bailed when he could, and came back to you when it was to late...... poor dumb bastard. oh well all the best for hun

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Are complicated....Though from the sounds of it he didn't prefer being with the other girl - you said yourself he seemed like the fire had gone out. I've been in relationships with people who nag, and people who don't - my *personal* experience is that those who tend to nag also tend to exhibit some other traits I'm not personally fond of, eg jealousy and possessiveness, while those who don't tend to be more independent minded and self-sufficient for things like personal entertainment, hobbies etc. Another interesting comparison I've noticed - those who nag are those who are more likely to complain of (eg)  being bored, or feeling ignored/neglected, whereas those who don't are more likely to find themselves something interesting to do almost effortlessly.I note that you said you were happy to head off for a few months to do your thing, and also were happy for him to spend his time doing his thing.Sounds to me like you're just more self-sufficient than he was, to the point where it was out of his comfort zone. If he wasn't willing to put in a bit to spend time with you even if he wasn't really interested in what you were doing, then he's only got himself to blame for feeling lonely, doesn't he? It's not like you'd have insisted on him holding your reins :pThe other extreme was the behaviour you describe as his partner's - she'd go into his 'world', but then demand to be more important than it, because she didn't feel connected to him unless she had his attention.. she'd go there, but just felt even more alienated by the fact that he cared about something else more than her at that moment... a quick pop-psychology answer would be that she had to be more important than whatever he was doing in order to feel valued by him.I find it interesting that she broke it off with him. I'm sure there's more dynamic there that you weren't witness to. Certainly I can't imagine him being anywhere near as interesting to be around if he had dropped all the things he loved to do - and also can't imagine him thanking her for it... or doing it with good grace... was he ever passive-aggressive?... regardless, I suspect she didn't enjoy his submission as much as she thought she would.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Naturally there are going to be guys that have a need to be told what to do and those that will despise it. Everyone is different. People will put up with different things depending on their wants and needs. For example one might put up with a bit of nagging because the sex is great. Another might put up with not so great sex because the partner is just so good to be with in a relationship for whatever reason. From my experience nagging from a partner has caused me to break up with them. I have had 2 main times where this has happened. It is just not nice being around someone like that. The other side is having someone that is possibly close to the opposite and will just go along with anything you want. Let you do what you want and just go with the flow. Now for some that might be boring and put them off as well but at least there is a happier disposition. Once again other factors determine how good it is. If you have the more passive partner but they suck at sex there is still going to be a strain on the relationship. Sex and Money are the two biggest causes of arguementsina relationship. I think power and children are probably the next. Power being a controlling partner.Anyway that's my take on it

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  bondage_reality

  16 years ago

  If the guy was nagged as a kid by his mum he wants a woman who nags him like his mum did There ya go answered in 2 sentences lol

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Yeah but all the lads like your mum, Bondage_reality. :p   Hugs' Gaz

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Harleiigh,   We have become so socially conditioned to conform to "acceptable" behaviour patterns that sometimes we don't realise what wonders sit in the palm of our hands. Many men have no idea what women really want, often because women don't really know what they want and of course vice versa so we have a wicked merry-go-round where nobody knows   The answer to this relationship conundrum ? Be yourself. Be whom you really are and look for a guy who respects and appreciates THAT. Nagging is just a signal that people are in the wrong relationship.... the writing is on the wall.    To answer your question....men DONT prefer women who nag at all. Men are the same as women in that they simply want a partner who fits with them hand in glove.....both parties make small compromises because it is a pleasure to do so to unselfishly do things that makes their partner happy and fulfilled.   Be yourself and find a guy who is comfortable in his own skin too.   So sayeth the Dog.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Harleigh, It's possible he valued the nagging as an indication of 'closeness and interest' (which then seemed that she was uncomfortable about: see next paragraph). I consider relationships to be 'co-dependent' and interactive. Nagging is the least ideal way of complaining but can be urging or controlling also.   Men like the closeness of women (if they're soulmates or lovers) and when their companion is away for long periods or on self focused activities it then detracts from 'soulmate interdepence' and can be indicative of a shallow relationship or a selfish partner (it also depends on the male's values).   Men value 'the package' and are probably simplistic in focusing on practical choices at a given time, not necessarily looking for some perfect future or perfect partner. This partly because of availability. It also includes pragmatic trial and analysis before comittment.   So your question referring to men liking naggers is untrue unless they are accepting a compromise.   Men consider women as lovers, not so much as 'partners in general or friends' but of course long time relationships have different developments.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Thank you very much for all the insight to that question. Seems there are some and aren't some guys that like nagging. As for the situation I used as an example, I am still very good friends with the guy and have been for 18 years now. And yes he seems to attract nagging women but he is never hanging around for long. Tamworthy yes he likes to be submissive sexually but he is dominant in other areas. As for me I will keep that closed for now ;)As for my other friends i will show them your answers, they might help them understand a little more then myself trying to explain it to them.Just as you guys say women are confussing, so are guys. Guess we should all learn to speak the same language, but as riteguy pointed out, some women end up with men who lie... I don't think men intentionally lie, they try and tell women what they think we want to hear, which only ends up getting them further into deep water. And yes longtalland cute, I am self sufficiant in alot of ways, i know some guys don't like that, but I was taught by my brothers how to do some things guys like to do, just so they knew i could take care of myself when i needed to. (guess they were looking into the future).As for what funlvn said about men considering women as lovers not as much as partners, I have been bought up to be friends with your partner,lover etc. Friends mean mate, mate is lover, love is to mate, to have a mate you have a friend.

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