Is the lifestyle your top secret, or...?

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  PandaAndBri

  21 days ago

  Well, I am glad you asked. Panda and I are both in professional fields so sh$t wound go down at my work especially if it were known, so we value our privacy. We have not found it a barrier at all. Many people are in the same situation and also value discretion. We do have one lot of friends that are not in the lifestyle that know. But the others do not. It depends on your social circle. Bri

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  PartnersnCrime

  21 days ago

  For us, open photos aren't something we're comfortable with, and honestly we've never found emojis on profile pics to be a problem either, so the original comment did catch me off guard a little. I thought that was pretty standard here. That said, while we're not open about it, we're not totally secretive either. We don't walk around wearing a lifestyle t-shirt at school pick-ups, but if a conversation with a friend goes somewhere more intimate and it feels right, we'll talk about it openly. At the end of the day, we're not doing anything wrong or illegal. However, we're not keen on our kids stumbling across our profile one day, and we'd rather our clients didn't either. Though I'll say, I have recommended my son a few books about sex I found useful, and once mentioned a tantra workshop and festival as a date idea for him and his girlfriend. Tantra has that spiritual framing that makes it sound relatively tame, even if temple nights can get a bit intense. If either of us worked in education or healthcare, I suspect we'd be more cautious. The stakes really do depend on where you sit professionally and socially I think, but curious to hear other thoughts.

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  MrandMrsEss

  21 days ago

  We value our privacy both for professional and family reasons. This is such a small part of our lives but if we were open about it we are pretty sure it’d be the only topic people focused on. Sure it limits the ability to connect but it’s not that much more effort to send a face photo privately but then we’ve met people who look nothing like their photos so there’s no guarantee there either. There is a lot more to attraction than what we look like in 2 dimensions. I’ve seen friends on dating apps swipe left on veritable supermodels as they didn’t feel an instant connection within the few seconds of viewing. The word has gone mad and we are quite happy to be filtered out by people who will judge on the first photo sent

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  MsSuperFoxy

  21 days ago

  I agree. Emoji over face photos do bother me, although I understand everyone has their reasons. If you work for ASIO, the Italian Mafia, or you're a dentist, fair enough blur your face. 😂 Personally, I'm open with my photos because it saves time and allows people to make an informed choice. I'd rather see genuine nice smiling photos and know who I'm talking too, than spend weeks exchanging photos/ messages only to discover there's no attraction. It's only fair too if people have their faces for all to see, your profile does not and want to send a message, include yours too. The important thing is being upfront about it. Everyone has different privacy needs, and that's perfectly okay. One thing I will add: if you do recognise someone from their profile pic (high profile or not), please don't approach them in public about it or call them by their profile name, especially if they're with family or children. Respect and discretion go both ways. Ms Foxy

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  nutsundae

  21 days ago

  great topic I identify as a face emojier (don't google it, not a thing, pulled it out of my arse just then), but purely for professional reasons. I don't talk about this life in my vanilla life, but I think I'm now at a point where I wouldn't be hung up if people knew. I now embrace the 'if it happens, it happens' attitude. A recent tragic event had me reflecting quite a bit on this at a deeper level. I have wonderful, beautiful connections in the lifestyle, some of which are more important to me than my vanilla life ones. It was a bit confronting to ponder that if I died suddenly tomorrow, what would happen? How would these people so dear to me even find out? Could/would they attend my funeral? How would they answer the inevitable question 'so how did you know xxx? Can you share a fond memory?' It made me uncomfortable imagining how awkward and awful it would feel, wanting to grieve openly, to process the loss, but needing to hide at least some of that way, if not all. I don't have the answers, but I do increasingly wonder whether I should connect at least some parts of the two lives together, and how I might do so. Sorry OP for taking the thread down a bit of a downer path!

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  Sawadee

  21 days ago

  Having had a long term career in sport followed by a fairly successful business . I decided against showing my face on my profile.. Back when we had our couples profile we were open to showing our faces in our private gallery, but then we started getting some saying l was familiar so we dropped our couples profile and l continued on just enjoying the forums minus pic's...

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  Temptress_T

  21 days ago

  I have identifiable tattoos visible in my profile pics. I don't have face pics on my profile, but I have no issue sharing them once a connection is made—I'm not running a witness protection program. I do have my own business, but it's not current clients that would bother me. It's more if someone recognized me here, figured out where I work, became a client, and then discovered I'd already seen their dating profile before their invoice. All three of our sons know we're in the lifestyle and that we have an open relationship. We only told them recently, but honestly, we'd probably been giving off clues for years. I don't mind if someone doesn't have a face pic, but I won't engage further if they won't share one in messages. I've even written on my profile (yes, I know lots of people don't read profiles) that a face pic is required so we don't waste each other's time if there's no spark. Chemistry is important, but so is knowing you're not chatting with a very articulate houseplant.

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  Andrea_Sydney

  21 days ago

  I think those of us who can be completely open with no family or careers to protect are in the minority. There are few profiles with open face pics and that’s fine. Sure, scrolling would be easier. But it doesn’t feel like wasting time to me to message to connect. I don’t like those though who want to “establish a connection” first before being willing to show their faces. For me, I share our pics quickly and like to see the other’s quickly too.

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  selfless__lover

  20 days ago

  I used to hide my face and so did my partner when we had a couples profile, as we both had professional careers. These days I'm retired and happily single, and my attitude has changed over time that if I'm to cross paths with someone in the scene who I know that we would both just laugh it off, both being in the same situation. So I have face pics on my profile and zero fucks to give 😜

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  Thesunlovingsub

  11 days ago

  Its a safety issue for me. My pics and bio are hidden unless I have liked the profile. Even if my career or vanilla life wasn’t a concern, I do not want every person on here to be able to identify me in the streets based on my profile pics. I’ve also had an incredibly disappointing and concerning experience with one promoter who refuses to remove pics posted of me from an event. Yes I agreed to their T&Cs, but my situation changed and it became a safety risk, which I outlined to them and have since been ignored and the pics remain up. That’s a bit of a tangent on your question, but suffice to say I’ve learned my lesson that not every operator in this lifestyle is acting with community safety in mind and it’s made me even more cautious.

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  SweetSerenade

  8 days ago

  Out there and open. We don't fear judgement or discovery, but on the same page we don't flaunt our sexual engagements to all and sundry either After all, do monogamous married couples run around advertising to their friends and family every time they have sex, or express details of such? Everyone's sex life is their own private matter, and although we're pretty certain our monogamous married friends are having sex, and out monogamous single friends on tinder are having new encounters, we don't necessarily seek the details. I think very VERY few professions would or even could impose hardship on someone due to their sex life. Especially in Australia where our rights protect us from discrimination for many things including sexual orientation. What does "We are professional's" even mean? Are you the dentist on the oralB commercial from the 90's??? When we see that line "we are professionals and require discretion" or something similar on a profile, for us it's a hard pass. It's 2026, people don't give a damn who you legally fuck.

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