F42
Respect (an old subject line with a new twist)
June 06 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
I've respected every man i've ever been with....or i wouldn't have shared my body with him. Yes as some of those interactions have been transactional, i may not have known a whole lot about them, but enough to know if they are decent human beings. For anyone who has ever been a FB, FWB,Lover or a partner then respect is paramount. I just can't be with someone i don't respect.These men are ones i've respected more and more as i've got to know them. Don't you think that most people have something respect worthy about them? Especially as you get to know their story. Are you saying that you respect this guy too much to have sex with him?...but you are attracted to him? Are you concerned that getting involved with you is going to damage him in some way??
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RHP User
13 years ago
quite the opposite (sadly, I'm having trouble finding guys I DO respect enough to share my body with), although I find him attractive, I suspect getting involved with him can only damage ME and my life (selfish huh?) I guess perhaps where I draw the line for who and what is respectable has changed as I myself have matured. interesting how wanting to have sex with someone (and them feeling the same) and finding them attractive, (as you grow older) aren't always all that it takes (or maybe it's just me, that's what I was trying to find out) thanks for your thoughts
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' I've respected every man i've ever been with....or i wouldn't have shared my body with him. Yes as some of those interactions have been transactional, i may not have known a whole lot about them, but enough to know if they are decent human beings. and this is only asked for my own enlightenment (no offense intended! and sorry if I've misunderstood what you're saying) presumably you worked (at least in part) due to a need for money? you'd have not gone through with it had you though the guy was of questionable character? and what little you DID know was enough to decide?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Then you'll wonder where the "boy" in him went? Boring eh?Stop building walls for your self. A fling with you as catylist, the bloke my grow a little, or he may not. Why not jump on that train and give your self the chance of being pleasantly surprised?
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RHP User
13 years ago
he presses the right buttons and turns you on. Just do it. Let him know, that its just a one off, maybe two. That way when you let him down one day, he already knew the boundaries.Have some funDont be a nun
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RHP User
13 years ago
I don't think KarynB was saying she is a sexy worker... Just that sometimes her interactions with a man have been purely on a sex only basis, therefore transactional? That was my understanding anyway.
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RHP User
13 years ago
It depends what you are looking for but seems to me you after a "relationship" with a guy whether that be a traditional GF/BF or a friends with benefits situation. Is that right? Then of course you want to respect a guy to be able to do that. For me, I want a man. That means someone reasonably financially secure, confident and independent, has ambitions, is adventurous. Someone I can look up to if you know what I mean. A friend of mine finds men who are either living with family or have flat mates as still "boys" and she often won't go there.... She too is looking for a relationship though. You want someone at least your equal or it just won't work. And before someone says that is mercenary.... Well she owns her home and is financially independent - she doesn't want to "support" a man but she is very traditional. Men are supposed to look after women.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Sexy worker = sex worker.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Lol, no I'm not a sex worker. I just meant that I've met men purely for sex, sometimes without knowing them for long and with no intention of having a relationship if any kind- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Always!!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'karynb'Lol, no I'm not a sex worker. I just meant that I've met men purely for sex, sometimes without knowing them for long and with no intention of having a relationship if any kind- Posted from rhpmobile Yep! was worried about that, sorry! again, no offense intended
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RHP User
13 years ago
Can you be a sexy lazy?~laughs~
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'It depends what you are looking for but seems to me you after a "relationship" with a guy whether that be a traditional GF/BF or a friends with benefits situation. Is that right? Then of course you want to respect a guy to be able to do that. For me, I want a man. That means someone reasonably financially secure, confident and independent, has ambitions, is adventurous. Someone I can look up to if you know what I mean. A friend of mine finds men who are either living with family or have flat mates as still "boys" and she often won't go there.... She too is looking for a relationship though. You want someone at least your equal or it just won't work. And before someone says that is mercenary.... Well she owns her home and is financially independent - she doesn't want to "support" a man but she is very traditional. Men are supposed to look after women. You're pretty close Meeka with what I'm basing respect on here (and FWIW I think your friend and I would get along well, I don't own my own place yet, but I AM 100% independent and as for men looking after women, in some ways yes, but that's a mutual thing, women look after their men in other ways in return, it equals out in the end), 'cept for the "relationship" part (I'm not finished improving myself yet, however I probably wouldn't decline if it happened and I felt he was the right person) what I'm talking about is more related to this: Quoting 'karynb' I've respected every man i've ever been with....or i wouldn't have shared my body with him.might sound silly, but part of me would rather not get laid than feel I'd lowered my standards to do so (and guys, if you think I'm stuck up or full of myself, then YOU are exactly what this post is about, my standards aren't high, I'm not after a Brad Pitt Johnny Holmes hybrid, I'm not perfect myself and I know it! stop being lazy)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'LittleRedEngine'Then you'll wonder where the "boy" in him went? Boring eh? Stop building walls for your self. A fling with you as catylist, the bloke my grow a little, or he may not. Why not jump on that train and give your self the chance of being pleasantly surprised? you saying there's no balance? no guy out there who can be exciting when able but mature when needed? do you guys ever get tired of it? meaningless flings with (when it all comes down to it) meaningless people? does it truly satisfy you, validate and affirm you to know that you only got some action because she was desperate enough to lower her standards? I dunno! I guess the saying: "keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting" is what springs to my mind if life only about sex for you? wouldn't you truly like to matter to someone? have someone respect you?
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RHP User
13 years ago
So much so that all other men since have paled in comparison. It was a first for me, to be in awe of a man, his heart, intelligence, calm strength, the power of his masculinity. I was spoiled.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Three_Wise_Words'So much so that all other men since have paled in comparison. It was a first for me, to be in awe of a man, his heart, intelligence, calm strength, the power of his masculinity. I was spoiled. Well..... don't leave us hangin'..... DETAILS?!!! where did you find such a mythical creature? i'm not talking dates/times/location here, I'm talking the circumstances, a party? a beach in Tahiti? was it just random? did he notice the bananas in your trolley and walk up to you in the supermarket with a zucchini down the front of his pants?
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RHP User
13 years ago
I found him here :) In the chat room, I'm fact.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Doh
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RHP User
13 years ago
One thing i have found in life is people read to much in one another ,and over analyse.We are all the same,we want to be loved ,to love ,to open up ,but we find fault in others as a form of keeping our guard up.Let yourself go,open up,and let what happens, happen!OP you say he "pushes your buttons",and "you want to" but as soon has he says he has feelings for you,you run away.Think you are analysing to much
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RHP User
13 years ago
I don't run from anything or anyone, and I no better than most that we are all human and all seek simlar things, but not everyone can give us those things we seek inspite of being able to give them what THEY seek. Should I let people ake from me indefinitely without the chance of having my own wants and needs met? Life's not so simple - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
I KNOW better. Sorry!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
I KNOW better. Sorry!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think life is a compromise.You can not have everything.No person has all the attributes you seek in a partner IMHO.If the good points out weigh the bad points i think you are on a winner.try and ask the person what you "want" and "need".Sometimes people need to be told or pointed in the right direction.Its why IKEA items come with plans.In no way was i trying to put you down in my replyWish you luckCheers
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Kizza1973' I think life is a compromise. You can not have everything. No person has all the attributes you seek in a partner IMHO. If the good points out weigh the bad points i think you are on a winner. try and ask the person what you "want" and "need". Sometimes people need to be told or pointed in the right direction. Its why IKEA items come with plans. In no way was i trying to put you down in my reply Wish you luck Cheers Quoting 'mis__understood' Quoting 'Meeka100'It depends what you are looking for but seems to me you after a "relationship" with a guy whether that be a traditional GF/BF or a friends with benefits situation. Is that right? Then of course you want to respect a guy to be able to do that. For me, I want a man. That means someone reasonably financially secure, confident and independent, has ambitions, is adventurous. Someone I can look up to if you know what I mean. A friend of mine finds men who are either living with family or have flat mates as still "boys" and she often won't go there.... She too is looking for a relationship though. You want someone at least your equal or it just won't work. And before someone says that is mercenary.... Well she owns her home and is financially independent - she doesn't want to "support" a man but she is very traditional. Men are supposed to look after women. You're pretty close Meeka with what I'm basing respect on here (and FWIW I think your friend and I would get along well, I don't own my own place yet, but I AM 100% independent and as for men looking after women, in some ways yes, but that's a mutual thing, women look after their men in other ways in return, it equals out in the end), 'cept for the "relationship" part (I'm not finished improving myself yet, however I probably wouldn't decline if it happened and I felt he was the right person) what I'm talking about is more related to this: Quoting 'karynb' I've respected every man i've ever been with....or i wouldn't have shared my body with him.might sound silly, but part of me would rather not get laid than feel I'd lowered my standards to do so (and guys, if you think I'm stuck up or full of myself, then YOU are exactly what this post is about, my standards aren't high, I'm not after a Brad Pitt Johnny Holmes hybrid, I'm not perfect myself and I know it! stop being lazy) Kizza, I don't want "perfection" he doesn't need to be "perfect" in order for me to respect him just (at least) SOME of the way there, but the standard of guys out there these days (from what I can see) is quite simply RUBBISH! OH! that's not necessarily (only) men's fault, not at all!!! we women (are rubbish too) and or own insecurities and lack of self control are largely the cause (IMO), and due those things and to sites like this and the swinging scene it's not really a challenge to men anymore, say the right things (whether you MEAN them or not) and be available (like the guy I wrote about) and 90% of the time you're in! Men don't NEED to rise to the occasion any more, don't NEED to grow up, so why would they? well, I don't have the self esteem issues or the lack of self control, I'm not gonna add to the problem and I can only hope that in time one of the rare ones recognises me as one of the rare women in the world who are worthy of HIS respect.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Respect(for another) should be mirrored whether total or flexible (fun). Kind of a core value of any relationship that. if absent can create hurt and anger through disrespectful words/behaviour..Not that complex really. Ask and it should be given.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'tickled_kink'Respect(for another) should be mirrored whether total or flexible (fun). Kind of a core value of any relationship that. if absent can create hurt and anger through disrespectful words/behaviour..Not that complex really. Ask and it should be given. Hey T.K. Not sure TRUE respect, the kind I'm talking about here, can simply be given. Certainly, you can TREAT someone respectfully (or at least appear to), and in that sense I agree whole heartedly with you, however that doesn't always mean you DO truly respect them as a person. I treat the guy in my OP with respect (as I do pretty much everyone in my daily life, provided they do they same for me) however, I don't truly respect him as a person, his morals, his decisions his behaviour etc.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Acknowledged MissU. So you have conflicting points of view, different judgement values in fundamental areas (morals etc).If the values are Bigoted, thwarted or plain ignorant, or perhaps just annoying, then there is no respecting/sharing on these levels. I see what you mean. I don't under any circumstances mean to berate or pass judgement on your relationship. Some union's can be fulfilling no matter the Affinity level.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Sorry Mis_understood i don't mean to dis respect your questioni think firstly you really need to work out what it is your looking for here? or in general? if your looking to meet the man of dreams here, well........ it could happen here i guess, but first you have to recognize what it i s you really want.... and that's not selfish, it is you being truly honest with yourself. If you want FB or FWB that is nothing to be ashamed of we are all human, we all lust and have desires, so don't punish yourself Ii think it is more unfair to be with some that your not really into, because you don't want to hurt their feelings! it is fairer to"set them free" so to speak, everyone has someone that thinks they are the most amazing person on earth!!! if your not that person in my eyes it would be unfair of me to not give them the opportunity to find that personpersonally, i am looking for FWB but that doesn't mean that i am not respectful to women or i have low morals ( that couldn't be further , all that it means is that i have finally reached a point of my life where i am not going to deny myself life pleasures i want to have fun, i want to experience everything that i was always too up tight to experience.it can't be forced or fabricated, just know what it is your looking for and when you find it, you will know.... but until then keep smiling p.s i'd watch out for the smooooooooooooooth ones!!!! LOL!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Just sit him down ,tell him you want to be honest and tell him a few things that are on your mind.
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Paradisepair
13 years ago
IMO a couple can have total respect but still engage in petty domestics. I'd say openness, honesty and communication are tied into total respect in a relationship but without a 'do as you will be done by' approach they are token gestures. We're all flawed individuals and accepting that is a good start.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thanks for your thoughts all, this post wasn't asking for advice on what I should do, I don't respect the guy, it's not going to happen! Pretty simple really! I Simply interested in what other peopl found, as I'd been having trouble fiding guys I DO respect. That said one, (possibly two) have recently stumbled into my life. Oh, and just_chillin' I do know exactly what I want and am here for, I AM and have been up front front (with those I correspond with) from the very start, it's only a matter of getting everyone to understnd each other and get on the same page that's proven more cmplicated than I'd have thought it should be. I told one guy (for instance) from the Outset, that I'm only interested in a FB it was HIM who was/is pushing for more (and the moreI write him, the more open to thatI'm getting to be)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
My longest and best relationships where all with men, you describe above... You certainly can become genuinely attached to somebody before you have sex - sex may ruin it, but I'd go for it!!! Go for it or regret it... Forever... Players and the non genuine, show their colours and their true selves after little time and sometimes after sex. I'd want to know which one he was before investing my heart or my time and effort.
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RHP User
13 years ago
A post may be subjective. .Respect is Behavioral..The "total respect" does not extend to those having to be subjected to the "petty domestics" as a a couple bicker in front of others like teenagers..We are not all flawed individuals lest thinking make it so. Subscribing to this notion as acceptable and a good judgement value (widely or individually) is defeatist and shallow..For goodness sake!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think you already know your answer Mis_understood.. you seem to have already closed the door to this guy
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RHP User
13 years ago
As I said, wasn't asking for advice, was simply using this guy as an example to convey the point o the post.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
I can't truly love someone I don't respect. Don't ever, ever settle for someone you don't respect. Or who doesn't clearly respect you, for that matter. You'll never act towards each other the way a healthy couple should. Simple. MsK x
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Paradisepair
13 years ago
"Subjective! A post may be subjective. . Respect is Behavioral. . The "total respect" does not extend to those having to be subjected to the "petty domestics" as a a couple bicker in front of others like teenagers. . We are not all flawed individuals lest thinking make it so. Subscribing to this notion as acceptable and a good judgement value (widely or individually) is defeatist and shallow. . For goodness sake! " Subjective... Just saying what's worked to keep us a vibrant couple, still madly in love after 20 years. Something said obviously rubbed you the wrong way Tickled, but the thing is, life is big, really big, and people are really really different, so there is no one way, nor are other people's opinion ripe for just being dismissed as rubbish just because their not your truth.
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Paradisepair
13 years ago
because their TRUTH IS not your truth... Disclaimer... Political issues aside, I'm talking emotions and CHOICE of behaviour.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'mis__understood'I Simply interested in what other peopl found, as I'd been having trouble fiding guys I DO respect. That said one, (possibly two) have recently stumbled into my life. Oh, and just_chillin' I do know exactly what I want and am here for, I AM and have been up front front (with those I correspond with) from the very start, it's only a matter of getting everyone to understnd each other and get on the same page that's proven more cmplicated than I'd have thought it should be. I told one guy (for instance) from the Outset, that I'm only interested in a FB it was HIM who was/is pushing for more (and the moreI write him, the more open to thatI'm getting to be)- Posted from rhpmobile correct me if i am wrong mis_u but could this be because your starting to respect this second guy............ (he sounds like a drop kick to me though.... ) so lets get this clear you wanted to be fuck buddies and he wants to FWB...... is there really such a big difference? surely even as a fuck buddy you would have to connect on some level, or am i to believe you can have a continuous fuck buddy without any sort of conversation or communication? and surely whilst communicating with that person you are bound to pass judgement on whether or not you like that person as a friend! and if the answer is no, would you still fuck them?
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RHP User
13 years ago
I don't see Rubbish being mentioned..Life is Big is it? I suppose life is many varied things to different people. Big may well be one of them..I'm not a fan of resigned and cynical statements such as "We are all flawed individuals...". For sure there are flaws in various peoples persona's, but to believe that flaws are inherent by design, is not something I can subscribe to as a generalization.'Back on Topic: Are FWB's, FB's sought after to avoid love?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Expectations and judgements are ones demon. I respect everyone I meet as I have no reason not too. I think if you live life as an idealist and not a realist you have expectations. On another note - it appears from other posts you may not respect men full stop.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'Expectations and judgements are ones demon. I respect everyone I meet as I have no reason not too. I think if you live life as an idealist and not a realist you have expectations. On another note - it appears from other posts you may not respect men full stop. there are men I respect very much, and yes, in my daily interactions with people I am courteous and respectful, however, men, in the context of a potential mate, (IE when looking for a partner) must earn my respect (as I should have to for them as a woman I would imagine) and very few do/have
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RHP User
13 years ago
I can't play with someone who I don't click with mentally and therefore respect them, their minds, opinions and desires. Having that connection to paramount for myself... So yes respect is easy. To the op I am not sure how respect plays into your issues though. As it just seems like a casual thing developing into something more. Which is super cute (and common) Age doesn't matter, enjoy it IMHO
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RHP User
13 years ago
Instead of quoting everyone, I'll just say I have to utterly respect a man before I can fall in love with him. Having said that, there is only one ex I still respect as much now as when we were together (We split up over ten years ago). He is just the most decent guy I've met. Great topic, mis_understood!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Umm, so a man isn't a man if he buys flowers or communicates his feelings to the girl he cares about before having sex... Is this real life?It's moments like this when I get annoyed at hearing women say all men are assholes. No, you just only want to screw the assholes.Honestly, I feel bad for the guy. If this topic is about respect - he clearly has a lot for you.(btw - no offence, this isn't meant to be personal)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Inthecity - I may have it all wrong, but (and correct me if I'm wrong, OP) what I took from the OP is: He's nice, has done all the right things, but she just can't really respect him. So, should she settle for someone she's not totally into? Flowers and courtesy do not relationship (or even sex partner) material maketh. He can be as nice as he likes - if there's something about him that just doesn't gel with her, then my answer is a resounding NO. She shouldn't settle for someone she doesn't respect. You can't manufacture the 'spark' with gifts and being a nice guy, I'm afraid. MsK x
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'inthecity421'Umm, so a man isn't a man if he buys flowers or communicates his feelings to the girl he cares about before having sex... Is this real life? It's moments like this when I get annoyed at hearing women say all men are assholes. No, you just only want to screw the assholes. Honestly, I feel bad for the guy. If this topic is about respect - he clearly has a lot for you. (btw - no offence, this isn't meant to be personal) Problem is,THIS man isn't being honest with me when he says he has "feelings" for me. the feelings he implies are desire, not LOVE, but he's trying to sell me on the idea that they are LOVE. He's essentially lying to me. He may or may not know this, as he obviously (to me) hasn't reached the point where he knows the difference between LOVE and what his dick wants. in that sense He's immature and at 34 (I'm 29 and I know) I kinda expect him to know better. That he doesn't, that he has children to multiple women, is getting divorced, is STILL fucking around telling women what they WANT to hear and making decisions without considering the consequences, that he'd put himself and what HE wants in front of a (potential or current) partner, and or his children. THAT is why I don't respect him. But yes, other than that he's a nice guy, and YES he makes me horny as hell. hope this helps!
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