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RHP

RHP User

F54

Selfish lovers, no manners - or am I just being unrealistic?

February 02 2012

Hi fellow RHP'ers! I'm really feeling a bit down and frustrated at the moment and have no one else to discuss this with so thought I would open up on here, and am prepared for the good, the bad and the ugly replies! Because I don't seem to have a clue, any and all answers will help.   Firstly, I have never yet met anyone (1 on 1 or couple) without establishing a good rapport first. Not message ping pong, but enough contact via here, email or phone to make sure we're on the same wave length. We even discuss how we envisage the play meet to go. And my profile is pretty specific too, and I always read other people's profiles very carefully. I also ALWAYS let people know I'm looking for long term friendships, I'm not in it to play with numbers, so if they're not open to the idea then we don't play. If there is no chemistry or desire to see each other again afterwards I totally get that.   FIRST PROBLEM   Selfish lovers. You know the ones. In their profile "love to go down", "will spend hours worshipping your pussy" or promises of orgasm after orgasm! So twice recently I've met guys, lots of chat beforehand, everything discussed as above, the first goes ok to start with (awesome kisser, yay!), has a bit of a fiddle with my pussy, enjoys my "oral ministrations very much ..... best ever I think he said?" and then he's in and we're off and it's fine, but when it's over he pulls his undies back on so I have no alternative but to get up, get dressed and leave. Second one, once again, awesome kissing, all going great, he's warned me he cums quickly with a new partner first time, so I ask what can I do and he says "maybe give me head and then while I'm getting ready to go again I can return the favour". I think that's fair and enjoy what I do, he cums, all good, we lay back on the bed and all of a sudden he's getting dressed and saying he has to go back to work. Both of them during and after express how attracted they are to me, how they are loving being with me and want to see me again and talk about next time ...... leading onto next problem.   NO MANNERS!   So from experience I guess I've had 2 kinds of play meets. One kind is where it's ok or better, but there is no talk of meeting again or no real chemistry I guess. It just is what it is. A fuck. I'm not talking about that kind here.   I'm talking about the other kind, where both parties express verbally that they feel there is real chemistry, there is talk of meeting again, it goes amazingly well and is in most or every way at the time satisfactory (oh apart from example 2 above).   So as a matter of routine and good manners I always drop them a quick note afterwards saying thank you, I appreciate them making the time to play, I really enjoyed myself (if that was the case, which it usually is), hope there is another time in the future if they are interested and hope they have a great day.   Very rarely do I EVER get a similar contact. Or a reply!!!! NOTHING!!! I mean is that rude or what? Not even a "thank you for making your pussy available to me"!!! And before any play session I spend a lot of time making sure I am nice and smooth, clean, moisturised, dressed appropriately ...... I mean I do make an effort!   So I guess the 3 results are;   1. The guys who have contacted me first after we meet and told me how much they enjoyed it or replied to my thank you, we've gone on to become ongoing friends with benefits and it is very, very rewarding.   2. The people who've eventually got back to me (like one day weeks later they're horny and suddenly notice my name on the profile list) I've sometimes given a second chance to, but if it feels like they're just using me (which is fine in some circumstances, but not in this case) then that's it. No more chances.   3. The ones who I really, really wanted to hear from again, and I hate to admit this, but really liked them and felt we clicked. And I always am left wondering what did I do wrong? Even though it was probably nothing. But I'm not going to pine or chase after them. Yes there have been a couple of guys who I've sent a second message too, just a really light breezy message say for NY or Australia Day, just in case they had forgotten to reply or I don't know, something!!!! But then that's it. Doesn't mean I like it, but I'm old enough to see it for what it is.   So what do I do? I mean my profile is already developing some pretty demanding statements as it is. Do I add "happy to go down after you go down" lol! Under turn offs do I add "people who don't make an effort to contact me after a play session, regardless of the outcome, simple manners such as thank you go a long way".   *sigh* I guess I'm just forcing my way of doing things and behaviour onto others. So I'm prepared for some lectures. Over to you! AlwaysDreaming

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I have a very simple rule when it comes to sexual gratification. That is, if I am not enjoying whatever it is I am doing at the time, stop doing it. I am not about to do something I do not enjoy just to please someone else. Fortunately, I love gagging and spitting and choking myself on a thick cock.... so im selfish... I only do what I like to do because that excites me... otherwise, I go flaccid, get bored and I quickly come to the conclusion that it is time to say next. Why anyone does something sexually that they do not enjoy, has me mystified. There's so much you could be doing otherwise! It's time for you to get selfish.... get what you want out of these blokes... get what you need. Let the relationship side of things work itself out. There's no point planning that and using sex as a dangling carrot to a donkey is no way to feel appreciated or to enjoy yourself! Hugs Stalky

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Thanks for your reply hun! You don't know this, but I'm a big Stalky fan! There are a few of you who's replies in forums I always look forward to reading.   So ok, you've got me thinking now. Do I have the balls (ovaries? lol!) to get up and leave if it's not exactly what I want? Trouble is, it's often not until the end that I realise "show's over"!!! Maybe my idea of the perfect play session is warped (meet, chat, kiss, foreplay, fuck, rest/laugh/chat/fondle then start again).   On a positive note, one of the guys who I was disappointed with because they hadn't replied back to a thank you just did. And it was an awesome one!!! Maybe he's on here and I just don't know it. Or maybe it was just the right time for him to sit down and type lol!   So thanks Stalky, perhaps I just need to get my Gloria Gaynor on! *Hugs back, copping a cheeky feel!* xxx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    AlwaysDreaming, I don't think there are too many women that haven't pondered the same thoughts (and hope you feel better just 'getting it out' ;p). In fact, on a recent meet I am still completely lost as to what I did to make him run (and I think if he could have, he literally would of). I can't remember having that reaction from any guy before and can I tell you how hard it is to inspect one's face in a tiny rear view mirror, at night, searching for stray *objects* to cause such a reaction! Perhaps he was relying on my *paper bag* look. ;p In the end I guess it was futile looking in that mirror as chemistry tends not to be tangible (at first anyway :P) I guess from aspect in that case, it was an ego thing for me too as I was incredibly attracted to him. Must be the narcissist in me On the flip side met a gorgeous young thang' who is teaching me a thing or three (wow, abs really REALLY are delightful!)I think it goes both ways. Many men have felt the same way. At the end of the day, if either side has issues or feels differently to the other then what is the point in pursuing it or worrying about it? Whether you are looking for a FWB or something far deeper, if you have to be questioning yourself from the start, just pause and think... is that what you really want? Or would you prefer to keep looking and find something that runs far smoother. Save the anxiety for *better* times.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Is let them go down on you first, if they can make you cum then you can return the favour. If they dont do oral , then you dont have to do oral on them. Alls fair in fornication   So all you guys out there that love BJ's learn to eat pussy properly and you will get your just deserts.!!!!   Now also remember that kissing and foreplay are important as well, and there always needs to be that spark to start. The mental connection without that you are just going through the motions and sometimes masturbation is better.   No offence meant. Just honesty!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Spot on...why is it that people seem to think they're doing someone a favour by "making my pussy/cock available to them"...? Last I checked, sex required two people, not one pittying or doing a favour for another. Mutual attraction perhaps? It's also paradoxical to say it's a favour then expect someone to jump through hoops for you. You are not a queen of some description, you're human as are we all. My going down on a woman is not doing her a favour, it's me going down on her because I like doing it and because I want to get her off. Sex is not a card game, nor is it some form of barter - "you do X for me and I'll do Y for you"...? Bottom line, if someone doesn't enjoy doing what you like, eg licking pussy, then move on. Find someone who does. However, I do place a lot of stock in manners and social niceties; therefore there is no excuse for not returning your call/text, even if it is to say "thanks but no thanks". Having been ignored by similarly rude people, I do understand your annoyance. I have had the temerity to say so on several occasions...but then again, I probably wear my heart on my sleeve a tad more than I should. Hugs.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Chilli, I'm 6'1", is my "bar" high enough? :-P

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I gues I am a bit unusual in that I never expect a man to come back after he is done. I just go in for the kill for myself and hope he enjoys the ride. Funny enough some do want to come back, but mostly I am also just too busy, I try to catch up when I can. Honey, experience the new, enjoy each lovely thing like a flower from the garden, chuck it in a vase and go pick another one. Live in the now. The guys are right, we do not do anyone a favour by offering up the pussy or cock, it has to be something we just want to do at that time and with that person. Its fun its sexy its transient Any one who wants to have sex will tell you what ever they think you want to hear, if it gets the end result. Its nice, its flattering but its foreplay After sex the lights go out, the newness is gone and they reach for their pants If you accept that then let the good times role That is why I have started the scarlet women’s group, we can share the joy, and the guys can have fun with new ladies without any complications. After all its manners to share your toys is it not ?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    There's a lot of analysis gone into your encounters, as you've outlined so thoroughly. . A bit of upset perhaps, here and there? . Being that Upset=Expectation not met, try lowering your expectations a little? . Perhaps?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    At 5'4", you shouldn't have any problems with that...particularly if you want to wind up on the bar rather than under it :-P

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I'd walk out, or not go back. It is supposed to be a fun, hot horny side activity to life. Not a drama fueled event.I'd never do anything that wasn't a great experience for all involved. Speak up, be more assertive with these lazy men.Lots of good eggs out there who love to please.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Agreed, it should be a good experience, not one to agonise over all the time.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I agree with a lot of the comments that sex isnt about "trading" actions...pleasures should be undertaken because you want to do it and enjoy it, not because you feel you should or you want something in return...and thats why it works best with someone who has that same giving/receiving attitude as yourself. I loved Tuscanreds comment about " enjoy each lovely thing like a flower from the garden, chuck it in a vase and go pick another one" Lets face it, as divine creatures as men are, they are different, they dont always think that responding to a text is necessary, nor do they think its rude if they dont....just the same as they dont "see" that the garbage needs to go out So dont sweat over the "no message back", just move on to the next lovely flower.Minxy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Im guessing you're next "lovely flower" then minxy? :-P

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I've been reading through a lot of the comments on a lot of the forum topics. I have to wonder if some men view sites like this as fee-free prostitution. Perhaps their singular goal is to get laid and all the talking and rapport building before hand is just the cost of doing business for them, an alternative to cash. Once they've 'paid' and collected their goods, they're out of there ...Harsh, but there you have it. That's what I wonder.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'Angelic2011'I've been reading through a lot of the comments on a lot of the forum topics. I have to wonder if some men view sites like this as fee-free prostitution. Perhaps their singular goal is to get laid and all the talking and rapport building before hand is just the cost of doing business for them, an alternative to cash. Once they've 'paid' and collected their goods, they're out of there ...Harsh, but there you have it. That's what I wonder.As sad as it is.... unfortunately you make sense!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I read through this topic with interest because my experiences have been so different on this site. All the men I have played with (with only one exception) have contacted me back within hours to thank me, have come back to play and have remained friends. When I was on here very briefly about 5 years ago or so I had the same experience. One from that time was in fact a FWB until only last year and though distance is now an issue we still chat occasionally on the phone. I also vet them very carefully. I like to chat on here first to get an idea of attraction and to see pics. If all goes well we then go to a phone call. From there to the meeting and something may or may not happen at first meeting. One gentleman I met last year on the site was sitting opposite me at my local watering hole about 4 hours after his first letter arrived here on the site! The one occasion where things were a little rushed but it was sooooo worth it! I am very careful but I also know exactly what I want and expect and I make things pretty darned clear before a meeting. I have made some great friends. There are some absolutely amazing people on this site! By the way, the forums rock!!Kisses all,LMy life now however has come to an end as I have moved to the boonies!!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    A lot (admittedly not all) men on these sites are not looking for anything more than to get thier dick wet. They will say anything to achieve the desired result. They know this is not a permanent relationship move so why should they bother to make sure you are satisfied? You have done it for them...time to move on. Big mistake giving head straight up like that. Make them wait. Oh and dont they all say it is the best ever? Especially with thier cock in your mouth.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I have met precisely two men who do not have a 'using' or 'selfish' bone in their body. Both are incredibly masculine, gorgeous, strong, capable, oh so normal, deeply loving men. They would no more treat a woman the way we're talking about here than fly. They like to connect, love and care. They're sensitive, tender and kind. Dominant in the bedroom, all man, in charge, clear about their lives, not ones to get pushed around by a woman. I met one of them on here.That's the thing that disappoints and frustrates me is that there's no need for me to treat women the way we've been talking about here. I guess though, in some ways entirely unintentional, we let them. For me, the difference between the kind of man I've described above and the kind of man that will do and say anything to get their dick wet is one of maturity and one of decency. And I know I know, women can be just as bad :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'Angelic2011'I've been reading through a lot of the comments on a lot of the forum topics. I have to wonder if some men view sites like this as fee-free prostitution. Perhaps their singular goal is to get laid and all the talking and rapport building before hand is just the cost of doing business for them, an alternative to cash. Once they've 'paid' and collected their goods, they're out of there ...Harsh, but there you have it. That's what I wonder. Some women may think, our cunt has some kind of collateral. It is just an exchange of mutual pleasure. Unlike prostitution the client does not have to cum first. Its not goods they are getting, its mutual pleasure that you as a woman are getting as well. Pure primal pleasure. Men have stopped going to prostitutes not because they do not want to pay, the guys here have plenty of money especially the FIFO men They can go to a pub and pick up a woman if they want, I have met a stack of them through my work and they are smart good looking sexy men What they do not want is the bullshit pussy power , do something for me if you want a bit of this. Wine me dine me, nothing wrong with that but DATE not sex site, is a better place to look for that. They give pleasure and they take it for themselves as well, fair exchange I lover is a different thing than a boyfriend or even FWB, those are just guys who say they will still be your friend after they fuck you. There is no such thing as free prostitution. Its a the same as saying your a slut if you fuck around, silly labels. Men want feedback when they are with a woman. Any woman can bonk for cash. Its good just to enjoy a man, to allow yourself to let go and show him how much pleasure he gives you. Allow him him to ravish you, let him to see that pleasure as you orgasm. And then let him get up and go with a smile on his lips and on yours I do not have a velvet pussy trap nor is mine made of gold. Catch and release is a good motto if you want to get the best from RHP

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    sounds like you are just picking dickheads!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I have a different attitude, I guess and just because I meet men at my work does not mean I bonk their brains out.   All I am saying is that each man and woman for that matter has different needs. I see women all the time wondering why a man does not come back after he has had sex with them.   My advise is the kiss principal. A woman should not go to bed with a man unless there is chemistry that way both of them will have a good time. Sometimes though a woman can get a sense of a man that he is out for his own pleasure and that is fine if a woman gets her head around it and just enjoys it for what it is a one off.   All the pretext, pre talk, pre everything builds up to something that gets lost in translation. I just think its wise not to expect to much from anyone when it comes to sex, as its been said a hundred times here its the hunt that’s the turn on   Just as my camera lens is the turn on, rather than me , every girl should get a camera :) I just do not get confused with what men want here. If. like some have said they found a good guy that wants to stay longer then that is lovely and good for them.   If your that man Rodney that is looking for that some one special and your going to stick around with all the girls you bed Then good for you.   However if a man wants to have one time sex that does not make him a dickhead at all, were all entitled to put our pink bits where we please and with whom when we want. If a woman has one night stands and says thanks hon, and does not want to see the man again I don’t think men get so worried about that at all. Some guys get pissed if you do not want to meet them yes. Women seem to not like it if they do not come back for seconds.   This of course is just my thoughts.   I am a pragmatist this does not mean of course I am right Sometimes my text may seem a bit harsh , but then that’s the pitfalls of the written word

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    That's probably true to a point that men are just after that (on here). If they were after anything more, you'd find them on sites looking for relationships. Not that you can't do that here, but I don't imagine it's the prime directive on here - If you get my drift?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Ok well firstly this is RHP so don't expect to meet many nice guys off here ESPECIALLY if you meet up for a play meet on the first meeting, chemistry or no chemistry once they get in that's it there's no need for the chase or getting to know you etc..guys automatically think that it is on there terms and conditions so if I was you I would make it on your terms and conditions by not giving in so easily and at least meet them for a drink and NOT sleep with them on the first meet up!!selfish lovers well in my books they don't get a second chance really they only have 1 time to impress ha ha and if they don't then GOODBYE :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I have mine... n the numbuts always stuff it up!   No wonder I have not had sex since November!   sheesh...   sweetp....... *grumbles n goes back to kicking her punching bag.*

    reply

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