F57
Who handles rejection better....men or women?
September 30 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
Fabulous question hun!!! Love it! I think men, they're used to it. Society is pretty bloody rough on men from the start. I have had to strengthen my boys for the time where society will continuously kick them in the balls. I think in a lot of cases women don't experience this because of the way in which society treats them because of their looks and sex. JMO A lot depends on the character of the person. I have found exceptionally good looking men and women find rejection harder to take because they rarely experience it due to their looks in comparison to others. The cold hard fact on this planet is that the more beautiful you are the better you are treated in a lot of circumstances and you learn to take that and ride it like it's stolen. There are always exceptions and a sook and a bad sport are inside a person and have nothing to do with the outside shell. xxgoodgrl
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RHP User
14 years ago
When your married your expected to have sex, as my x said he married me for the sex and it was sex on tap. Problem is the sex gets less when life of kids, work, yada yada get in the way. I only know of one female friend who is not getting enough from her man. On the other hand men never get enough sex, and I don`t blame them. Lets face it, if women got a garantee they would cum just like men do every time they had sex it would be Bingo! I made up my mind after my divorce not to open my legs till I had the primal urge, to just get back to basics and enjoy myself rather than think to much about what was going on for the male. Rejections I can handle now, its not about rejecting me as a person, its just they dont want to bonk me so with no emotional attachement its not a problem. For men yes some got very annoyed that I did not want to have sex with them especially if they are younger, its like I am doing you a favour and how dare you not want this hot body yada yada, but I like mine with a brain to drive the motor and some chemistry. Its down to how a person feels about themselves in the end. If your a bit vunerable, it can hurt for someone to reject you, man or woman. But marriage is a confinement and not one person can fill all the needs of another and people need a bit of diversity.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Good answer Goodgrlz. I agree that men are more used to rejection, for them it is a numbers game so they ask 100 times in order to get one yes. They are the hunters (apparently). Most women are used to being pursued and therefore are not often in the position to be rejected. So it can be a bit shocking when a man says no to sex but that doesn't mean that women are going to react badly though. That is dependent on the personality of the person. I often have men tell me to ”Behave” & tell me no. I don ‘t take it personally. Xx Meeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
I would also add that women put more effort physically into attracting the opposite sex,i mean the conventional idea society protrays that women have to aspire toto get a man is generally very unrealistic and therefore a lot,not all mind,but a lot do strive for theose heights.Then when rejection comes it can be a harder fall.I do think its got to do with a good base of self esteem and being comfortable in your own skin regardless of what sex you are.Like everything else in life....depends on the individual............
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RHP User
14 years ago
hehehe...when someone tells me to behave that actually translates to "be as bad as you can be". I see "behave" as a greeeeeeeeen light! I do respect a no though, i have only ever had a no thanks twice in my life that i can remember and although no one likes to hear that I can't accept anything less than potential partners being completely in lust with me and if that's not going to happen I don't want a yes please.
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RHP User
14 years ago
nice to see I'm not the only one, Chilli...Yeah, I find it quite demoralizing when an existing partner does not want to have sex with you.... I mean.... why?!?!?!?Do I smell funny?!? What? LolI'm getting better at it but it is still a sore point However, a Newbie.... I mean,. there are sooooo many factors.... a dozen reasons why you could be a no.... 99% of mine boil down to "you can't be bothered reading my profile, I'm sorry but I can't be bothered replying to your message"Live and learn, people If it doesn't work, there is usually a reason... Figure it out and MOVE ON!!!!NEXT!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
If you chase a butterfly, you ain't gonna have no butterfly!"Asking" for sex is always a bad move in my book.
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RHP User
14 years ago
And one that I don't think can ever be resolved. One can only speak from one's own experience, after all.Personally I never had a problem with getting a knock back....seems it was the norm all through high school, so why should it be any different when I'm all growed up? The fact of the matter is I just don't care enough to get bent out of shape over somebody saying no. It is only sex, when all's said and done. That said, there have been times when I'm the one doing the rejecting with less than happy results.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Med take it better obviously and they're built to take it hard and fast... there's no spring back you see.. pretty much a thud and slap noise... sure there might be a bit of loud growning... but that's how we communicate our appreciation.HUgsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
A little lateral thinking there goodgrlz.....that we preen ourselves for success not for rejection...particulary for women. . Tuscanred....as you said, I think feeling vulnerable impacts a great deal on how we deal with rejection, and why sometimes it hurts and at other times its like water off a ducks back. . Meeka...I just pout if I don't get my own way. But it doesn't work anymore :( . Ahh Chilli (wonderful rave!)...I too was a Juicy tomato in my second long term relationship....and a lack of sex (as boring as it was) was the prime reason we split (although it was easier to tell family he was a malingerer). After much thought I have decided I am a serial monogomist and I free lance in between ;D But getting back to the book...didn't you love the story about Heather and the underwear parade: "Here in this unassuming suburban house in the Adelaide Hills, the 68 year old retired engineer is treated to a loin stirring erotic spectacle. Every evening, his wife Heather, totters around on her high heels, preparing dinner, offering Michael his evening drink, laying the table and doing a few chores. And he watches in delight as her oh-so-tiny garments (corsetry and lingerie) struggle to curtain her ample breasts and grip her tiny buttocks. It's an added bonus according to Michael if she hangs out the clothes or shifts the sprinkler". . I want to be Heather when I grow up ;) But really, this is a great story of appreciation I think. . Sirladybits, RC and Stalky...I hear ya callin' next :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting Onlylivetwice: "Asking" for sex is always a bad move in my book. . If only all libido's were perfectly matched
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RHP User
14 years ago
im married and get knocked back every day of the week and think nothing of it... Once i knocked my wife back cause i was sick or tired or whatever and for some reason she thought her world ended. in her opinion when i knocked her back she felt ugly and unloved, does it make sense? no but i think i made my point lol everyone is different but i think on the whole men handle rejection better scott
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RHP User
14 years ago
Chilli - women blame themselves and men blame their women. Isn't that how it is?xxMeeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
After a while it begins to play on a man and he feels less of a man if he gets constantly rejected by the one woman who is supposed to love him. As time goes on, many women do not want as much sex as thier man and seem to find absolutely nothing wrong with constantly saying "No". Men still want sex as often, well nearly as often. I think that in a monogamous situation men handle the rejection better....they are conditioned to expect it. Personally I very, very rarely give my man a knock back. I mean..if he misses out so do I. I guess I have been lucky that in the long term relationships I have been in, my partner never failed to bring me to orgasm first so saying no was not something I considered. Now if it was me getting the cold shoulder I would definately not be a happy camper. I would be wondering who else he was slipping it to instead.
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RHP User
14 years ago
In these forums and many other places you read that when a woman is not satisfied sexually she leaves the relationship. Fair enough - they have the power to do so, but how many relationships would survive if men left when they were not sexually satisfied? I suspect many many more would fail if that were the norm.The norm is for blokes to be rejected and denied day in day out.A lot of my mates are carrying a deep sadness with regards to sex and rejection and have seem to have developed an ambivalence towards women. When we were growing up we were all so sex positive but women have clipped their wings. I've hinted to a few that perhaps they could try swinging and I know that one has talked to his wife about it but she went crazy when he even asked the question.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think that if the person has been told straight up and why they have been rejected then they can handle it, admitting there are a few out there that prob can't. Sometimes I think it can also be how they get rejected also whether it's a good experience or bad one. If the person rejecting has been rude or nasty about it then it could end up with some retaliation which is prob not called for. I still think it depends on the person and how the situation is played and if they got rejected nicely and was told why and they don't like it then they prob got a screw loose lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
Do we go into a relationship banking on sex on tap ?? i think not.. Do we start seeing someone with a desire to bonk them and explore their hidden flower..yes.. Do we get sick of the same garden ?? ..ummmm maybe the outcome of this answer dictates ongoing desires.. Do we get lazy ......??? It is funny how we can love eating the same food every week..i..e..pasta a cople times a week or meat etc etc..if the food gets bland we add more sauce .. Do cosy couples do the same in their sex lives ? i dont think this is a gender specific problem...
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RHP User
14 years ago
" Do we go into a relationship banking on sex on tap ?? i think not.." l If I enter into a permanent relationship I expect the sex to be there when I want it. The same as it will be available for the man in the partnership "on tap" when he wants it. ( Barring illness of course - after all I can be reasonable sometimes and I know a lot of men can not raise the bar when ill, working too hard or have a lot on thier minds ) Why else would I enter into the relationship? I dont know of many people who do go into a relationship just because they like the conversations they have with thier partner. Although I guess stranger things have happened. The point is that we enter into relationships with certain expectations.....sex being one of them. If the sex is so good up until the wedding then I want it maintained or improved....not stopped. Quite happy to explore extra and additional seasonings if the sex-feast gets boring BUT watch the major hissy fit if I do get a knock back. Occassionally I can live with. All the time and he is out the door. After all....why buy the whole pig when all I want is a little sausage. I can get the sausage from any butcher or corner store but I like the convienience of eating at home.
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RHP User
14 years ago
No one like rejection! I think in a situation like a marriage break up a Woman copes better due to gotta keep positive & on track as Kids are usually a good FocusWe all need to be wantedNot to be rejected but the reality of life is things dont always go to planWhen feeling rejected just got to pick your self up & move forwardLove yourself .................... & Love will come xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Personally I think rejection and the ability to handle it is a very individual thing and nothin to do with gender. Its a skill set like anything else developed through experiences and teachings in life and how well we assimilate them. IT also depends on the quality of your life at the time. Personally (and currently) if a woman rejects me I dont' care as there are a number of others who won't or aren't rejecting me. All that means is I have choice. If you have a bad case of "one-itis" and focussingn everyting into one person, then teh rejection will be harder to take as your perception will be one of 'all or nothing'.. There's a multitude of factors and reasons and power plays that are continually going on between the sexes, and sex is just one of them, My stance is I live my life for me, fill it up with the things and people I love. If someone wants to share that, great. If not, great. Someone else will. JMPO...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Absolutely agree, handling rejection depends on the person whether it be female or male. As for sex on tap in a relationship, hell yes, I would not expect anything less. Great topic btw! xxx
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