F56
Why do guys in happy relationships come here to play?
August 18 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
Many different reasons, excitement, new experiences, unfulfilled fantasies, partners that they love but don't have matching levels of desire? All sorts of reasons I guess, some good, some very poor. The important thing is that they tell you they are married/attached and you can then make an informed choice according to you own needs and ideals. Some people actually prefer a married man/woman, especially if it is just extra sex they are seeking rather than commitment. Many 'single' people on here definitely are NOT! Are those who lie about their 'status' preferable?
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RHP User
16 years ago
We are a very happy couple with a great sexlife together... So we would fit the bill of what you are looking for. So here goes. We got married very young and never had a relationship with anyone else before that. A few years back our relationship ran aground and in the process of coming to grips with why we got where we got, we communicated that we both had a curiosity how it would be with other people. Sinse then we re-invented out relationship, started new and invery different.. We fell in love with each other again... but we still had the curiosity. So we joined RHP and embarked on the journey, that has now become our lifestyle. It is not all about sex. It is more about the socialising and if there is an urge to go further, we can. It is totally honest, it has made our relationship stronger, as there is lots of communication and trust (neither of us are doing somethng behind the others back!!!!!!!) It is something that is fantastic at the moment and hopefully will continue for some time. But one day we will finish with it. Thats where we still have a great relationship with each other. (happy ending)
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am in an awesome happy relationship and enjoy a healthy active sex life at home. I'm not addicted to the thrill and I don't have a sex addiction... well, not much of one... I mean, I still function if I haven't had my hit up... maybe just a tad more aggressive if I'm missing out... and the itching can be unbearable... but aside from that, and the consistently twitching dick, I don't have a sex habit. I have sexual interests that the love of my life does not share and I have sexual interests that the love of my life, by simple reason of gender, cannot satisfy. My libido is also out of sync with my lover at the moment .... but don't get me wrong, the roles have previously been reversed... I guess sometimes we are in sync and other times we are not.... but we still have a healthy regular sex life... You know... there's gotta be a line somewhere between insatiable and normal... and sometimes one or the other of us and occasionally we both together cross that line. 25 years of marriage sees lots of variations in a person's natural disposition so too in libido. In any case, this site interests me because here people talk about sex.... and that just happens to be one of my favourite subjects. Frankly, if I just wanted a sly root, as a bisexual man there are numerous more efficient ways to get one than hanging around here. Warm Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am confused that peop;e believe this is a relationship site. Majority come here for the sex and the lifestyle. Not to hurt or harm anyone. Relationships can obviously develop but isnt that secondary ...or am I missing something
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RHP User
16 years ago
For some guys they are in happy relationships but they just know its not the ONE and they're not ready for anything more. if theres a chance of getting some thrills elsewhere then what the harm they figure. I've been in short relationships (under 6 months) and happy (nice girl, lots of sex) but there was always a part of me that wanted to know i could still pick up other girls. Bastard? maybe. But I never promise anyone much more than a good time and good company. Things may be diferent once I meet a girl I'm head over heels for.
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RHP User
16 years ago
thannks sydMVP and the other comments. Im most interested in yours sydMVP. What if the man has found the one, has been in the relationship two years, expresses it often that she is the one, she knows it, his friends know it, his family knows it. no question at all, and is a genuine caring guy. Then what?? Why would he come here if his sexual needs are also being met? Confused.........any answers?
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RHP User
16 years ago
It all depends on what he gets up to on here i guess. Is he actually trying to meet people for fun? Would he even go thru with it if someone offered? Like i said, some of us guys still need to know they can hunt or u may as well take our balls, bronze it and hang it over ur bed. Sad yes but just a part of the male ego. if it is a prob to you, maybe you should suggest to him that you want him to have a couple profile on here with you so you can perve on ppl together. the more i've been on rhp, the more its like a X-rated facebook. just so long as he knows he can be open with you about his sexual needs (even if he likes pretending he can get some elsewhere) and theres honesty between u two, guess he can still be here to perve and flirt? Good luck babe.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Thanks SydMVP, you gave me some great insight there and I take what you say onbboard. If "shes" the one though, and its behind "her" back, isnt this betrayal. Especially when "she" has expressed before that that is how she perceives it. Why do that to your future "the one"? If you knew you were risking a future with her to play here, is the drive of the male ego that strong that you risk it all?
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yeh some guys will feel the overwhelming urge to play up at any cost. I've seen it :( A guy needs to feel secure about himself and how attractive he is to not try and get affirmation somewhere else. So its a classic case of its not you, its him. I don't know how old ur man is but maybe he feels the need to prove himself before its grey city? Whatever u do, don't blame urself. If he feels the need to carry on behind your back then yeh its a problem hun but mainly his. U can do better if he can't offer you a full commitment.
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RHP User
16 years ago
You have to know it is possible to love more than one. "The one" is there one moment in time and perhaps gone the next... "the one" is a myth. For instance... at the moment I'm in totally and utterly in love with "the two"... at the very least. And one of those I've been married to for a good many years.. the other... well, we just connected immediately last year and it felt like we have been lovers for years. *shrugs*. My sole mate... and in many ways they both are. I am deeply connected in different ways to both of them. Plus you obviously realise that people are emotionally complex. At any given moment you can find someone who loves being whipped... dominated... humiliated, pissed on, cuddled, snogged..... the individual variations of desire are endless. Why then isn't it possible that there are people here who are attracted to pain, anguish, love the thrill of fear, or actually want to get caught cheating for the emotional puishment that will ensue. There's a complex phsychological profile for every individual out there. You should be asking yourself "why does this particular guy" rather than "why do guys". Just my thoughts. Warm hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
We are married with a huge 42 year age difference. So I really want my nice young wife to have certain freedoms. She was not keen but has started to enjoy one on one meetings. Then we found it was causing some difficulty to our relationship.... First time sexual arousal is so potent...it can make "normal"married sex look dull. One guy had my wife webcam to webcam every day when I was at work....he was becoming an emotional as well as physical hold over her. Some guys are expert oral performers...unlike me...so she was wanting more of them. Guys were chatting, texting and calling so much ..it interfered with domestic quiet. When turned on by kissing,she was tending to go all the way, with guys she hardly knew...some concern. Overall, she felt too pressured even by a few guys. I had insisted she have more than one "spare" guy to avoid getting too close. ---- So we stopped it for a while and felt easier---- but want to start again coz we miss the spice and excitement. We like the idea of taking a breather.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Wow Gaz, some very interesting insights. I thought "the one" was the one. I didnt realise you can have "the two" lol. Being "the one" for me means that i am the only one, that to take your sexual emotions and play here with someone else was a betrayal of our intimacy and trust, especially when he was aware that they are my views. I read Syds last comments with interest too. In that he needs to feel secure in himself to not seek affirmation elsewhere. He does, with me. But not outside our relationship, i wonder if that is his drive. I may have created his monster! He has taken his newfound confidence in the bedroom and our relationship and seemed to be playing it out here. He says he will never go to an online site like this again, that he will never risk losing me again, that he is 100% committed to our relationship. For now he means it without a shadow of a doubt....as for temptation...sorry, difficult to believe hey. We have an incredibly hot relationship between the sheets, full of sugar and spice, it is stronger and sexier than ever, i cant imagine what was missing!
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RHP User
16 years ago
addictionhabitboredomto get a hard on so they can give it to their girl
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RHP User
16 years ago
my wife and i had a few arguements when we frst started out with this lifestyle. and it actually took a few years before we did anything. but at the end of it all i love my wife and she loves me. i explained to her i felt that perhaps i had met my soul mate, but ten years too early because i want to spend the rest of my life with her but there are certain things i wanted to do that i didn;t think she would want to do also. the thing is i never cheated and i never would have. but it turns out having the freedom to release your sexual frustration on someone else when your life partner isnt in the mood or whatever, is fantastic for our relationship. It's not just sleeping with other people. it's the fact that you can that gives it most of the thrill. it turns me on just thinking about it.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I would have to agree with GazPacho it is true i don't know what i would do if i actually got hit up to go meet someone else i know i do enjoy seeing if i can get the women to even talk to me. It's weird i don't know what makes it go through our heads that i want more maybe it's just more fun to be on here talking with other people. Especially if i can talk to women and have a good laugh if we ended up into bed with each other who knows.
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RHP User
16 years ago
The same question could be asked of why women do it
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RHP User
16 years ago
Mrs sexycountrycpl hereMen cheat because they don't feel appreciated by their wife/girlfriends and although they love them, sex with a new person makes them feel appreciated and attractive... well that's what Oprah said on her cheating special
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'lilyroserules' thannks sydMVP and the other comments. Im most interested in yours sydMVP. What if the man has found the one, has been in the relationship two years, expresses it often that she is the one, she knows it, his friends know it, his family knows it. no question at all, and is a genuine caring guy. Then what?? Why would he come here if his sexual needs are also being met? Confused.........any answers? Sometimes what people say doesn't match action .. In this case I think the situation is being setup for a fall. What he says doesn't match action because it's a part truth.. we are not light switches ( fully on - off ) and sometimes part of us decides it is happy and another part doesn't ,at the same time ! . So I doubt he is completely being honest with himself if he is saying "she is the one " ( not that I believe in such a being ) but he is saying she's fairly significant would be more accurate. he needs to acknowledge the other part of him that continues to need something outside of her too .. or at least work through the behaviour .
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MsRisQ
16 years ago
I agree- yes the same can be asked for us girls single1_4fun. From my Hubby's perspective, he is happy with me and would be content with being monogamous if it was asked of him, however he also loves his girlfriend to pieces. She and I provide him with different experiences- it's the very nature of people in general, wonderfully diverse creatures that make up human race.From my perspective, I am here to get to know new people, make friends that view sex positively and are open minded enough to understand alternative relationship types distinct to monogamy. My ideas on what constitutes a good relationship are not quite so structured as those regularly depicted in the media.So, for an answer to your question lilyrose, I think many people look for different things here and their reasons are as individual as themselves. Just know your own boundaries and tell him what they are. If he oversteps them, then that is disrespectful of you and your relationship and that's when ya give 'em the ole heave ho! Hugs girl!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'MASTERnPrincess' I am confused that peop;e believe this is a relationship site. Majority come here for the sex and the lifestyle. Not to hurt or harm anyone. Relationships can obviously develop but isnt that secondary ...or am I missing something Cannot think of a better way to say what is already said.I also often have experienced similar situations where people seek the love of their life or a serious committed relationship here on RHP which appears to be a predominantly a sex site.Sometimes most beautiful flowers can grow on top of a swamp but theyr are not necessarily expected to.That may not be the best analogy , however, everything best enjoyed and appreciated on it's own merits in it's best deserved place. Otherwise one better develop a narrow mind and an open heart.
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RHP User
16 years ago
it seems that their are more girls doing that than men but two wongs dont make a right now do they.if you want something to change communicate your thoughts .
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RHP User
16 years ago
I was happly married and had an awesome sex life with my wife never ever strayed never crossed my mind and never would had the girl of my dreams then we decided to go down the path of swinging which is something we both wanted to do and we enjoyed it all so with each other's permission whilst being together we could have sex with others and in any denomination imagined yet with all this she still strayed even though she had the oppotunity to have fun with others. So the question is there for the women as well when you have everything why stray??? Mj
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RHP User
16 years ago
Guys have an echo etched in their subconcious from 100's of generations before that says spread the sperm around. It darwinism & continuity of the species. Then what is a happy healthy sex life, what is true love. Who is the right partner for you. Most people go through a dozen or so partners & hook up with the most conveiniant. 6 billion people in the world I think it is optomistic to find your perfect partner after a dozen or so relationships. Then again its slightly different for women. If men are programed to search for the perfect body. Women want a mate that will provide for them & give them support. I hate saying it, I am the first to say I support equality. But women & men are different, they think differently & if the didn't. Well they wouldn't be so cute & cudly
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'SydMVP'Yeh some guys will feel the overwhelming urge to play up at any cost. I've seen it :( A guy needs to feel secure about himself and how attractive he is to not try and get affirmation somewhere else. So its a classic case of its not you, its him. I don't know how old ur man is but maybe he feels the need to prove himself before its grey city? Whatever u do, don't blame urself. If he feels the need to carry on behind your back then yeh its a problem hun but mainly his. U can do better if he can't offer you a full commitment. This is the biggest case of bullocks I have ever read....lmfao "hunter" "ego" "its him and not you"....please!! I know that post was written 6 months ago...but I had to say something as this guy has no self worth or esteem nor does he care for others feelings...45 years old and only been in relationships under 6 months? Julia, I seriously hope you don't take in the garbage this guys has spread to you. Some guys are players and some are not...same as with women...It is up to the individual! If you are with such a guy...I hope that your happiness means more than to stay with him just for the sake of having someone. I wish you all the best hun xo
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RHP User
16 years ago
to me and this is just my oppion when u say happy do u mean that cause gee to me id only want one love to have her and want others just aint right in my book ok maybe im old school my mum and dad wrere married til the day she died they were like any couple they had the good times and bad but the one thing they had besides 8 kids was love my dad stil misses her now and so do i love realy aint a game ok and once u c that u cherish it always
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RHP User
16 years ago
I would be interested to know the quotient of men that are doing that, in the category you describe(awesome, happy, healthy sex life relationship). I don't doubt they exist, and you could confirm that I imagine. But is must be a minority group surely and reading the posts that follow all give good insight. The question arises - where does sexual fulfillment lie? Obviously never is enough for some? Far out!
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RHP User
16 years ago
My partner are in a similar position as sexexperiences ... we got married as virgins at 20 and were happily monogamous for many years, but when we hit the mid-life hump. We could have split up and gone off and chased lots of younger people like many in our age group did - but, really what do you gain through that? As a relationship counselor I saw lots of clients who tore everything apart in their attempt to work through unfinished adolescent emotional business - we decided to take another path. Celebrate what was good about us being together and yet also explore other aspects of our sexuality. It hasn't always been easy - we are sometimes jealous, sometimes insecure. But on the whole it has been very fulfilling. We occasionally play together, but generally meet people separately. Happy together but also hungry for different experiences. Sometimes we get judged pretty harshly by others - but in the end, unless people have walked in our shoes how can they judge?
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Nick_Wilde' Happy Relationships? Do they even exist? Really? Umm, I guess not with you.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I read through a lot of these posts and some seem reasonable, others seem like excuses. The same can probably be said of why I justify this in my mind. I always feel that I am looking to fill a void or an emptiness. I convince myself that I am not loved or cared for as much as I should/could be. Unlike what some guys say about spreading themselves around, I would prefer to find someone who wants an exclusive relationship to fill their own need. I am looking for that closeness, feeling important, needed, wanted and sometimes I just don't feel that at home. Sometimes, it's to the point where I question if I should stay or go from that relationship. I do believe there has been and continues to be a loving and fun relationship there and I just couldn't bear to hurt her so I chose to try the site. To this point, I haven't actually connected with anyone from RHP. The one woman that I have been with needs more than I can give and understand that she needed to cut me loose. It was very sad and hard to deal with that feeling of rejection, no matter how logical. Even though I should concentrate on my relationship, my loneliness and empty feeling often get to be too much and draw me back to this site, to try and find a possible match. I don't know that I hold out much hope for that but it was nice to vent a bit.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think it is an innate instinct for a male of any species to desire to spread his sperm far and wide. And possibly for women the instinct is to nuture.What sets us apart from the animals however is our ability to override instincts and act logically.Well, some of us anyway.
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RHP User
16 years ago
their wives are boring and unadventurous?
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RHP User
16 years ago
Apart from those in open relationships as aleady discussed, some are obviously single. Some will be in a not-so happy relationship and there are ones like me in-between (seperated). While i'm not expecting to find another long-term partner on here, although it may happen, i'm looking to fill a void in my (current) life. There will also be those that you describe in a happy, healthy sex-life relationship without their partners knowledge, although i'd suggest there aren't too many of them on here. After all if a man is happy with his love life he usually won't stray without his partners knowledge.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Cant say as I've never been in a happy or adequately sexual relationship. Seem to find all the wrong ones, yet I still hold hope of getting to that stage.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I love my wife to bits but we have been celebate for 12yrs due to ill health (MS). Thats why I keep looking for extramarital activity.
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RHP User
16 years ago
don't be so naive... is the grass really greener on the other side... well we better go check ....if so ....? maybe it might need a mow!!! LOL
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think you have to ask yourself, why you are benchmarking these people to your own standards? Don't get me wrong we all do it, regardless of affairs of the heart, mind or body... Just how many people do you work with and actually wonder how they manage to breath let alone hold their job when to your standards they are clearly incompetent You ask the question as to why guys in seemingly happy and loving relationships seek out others for additional nocturnal activities (or maybe not so nocturnal)... I could ask why is it that each woman I have been involved with has either sought to burden and rip me off financially and cheat on me? No idea, and I don't care to think about, their happy with their standards and what they elect to do with their lives and will have to live with the consequences, good or bad. It's an unfortunate part of life that what we set as our own boundaries and standards are not those with which to judge others, and honestly, it's not worth worrying or stressing about as there is little that you can do to convince them otherwise. It doesn't answer your question but may give you some refuge from your over burdened mind, if that is the case
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey, I think that sex and love are two complete different things. It has always been the tradition that the one you love and care for must also be the one who is sexually desirable too you and only them. I think this is wrong. Sexual attraction is animalistic, has nothing to do with love. Thats why i am here. I love my partner but i need more sexually. Also, has been said before, yes i feel men cheat because women always want to know they are sexy and look good but ive never been told, or heard a woman who is in a long term relationship/married tell her man how sexy he is. Its seems we are just units for getting things done. When there is other women out there attracted to you without clouded vision of commitment, why wouldnt you go for it?
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RHP User
16 years ago
"Lord of War" Quote - at the age of 4 1/2 months, the human feotus has a tail! it is the remants of a revolution. and that is the thing, you can go out everyday and be victorious against your enemies, but, if you try to fight your biology, you can NEVER win" Unquote (or it was close to that anyway!!) I watched a show on SBS years ago about Biology of sex in a very wide range of the animal kingdom - very clever... it had ppl dressed as insects and things.. so it was funny as well as a decent topic. but it did cover so many things, I wish I could get a copy of it. Short end of it all is, females want sperm, and want it from the BEST male to give her the healthiest offspring. Males want to load any female with their sperm, and they want to stop anyone else from impregnating her. Mischeif777 said it - "It is in our DNA" why do we plant an apple seed and get an apple tree and not an orange tree? because written into that seed in its DNA is not only instructions on WHAT to grow into, BUT also.. and here is the important part...... it has written into it a million years of EXPERIENCE telling that tree how to overcome every adversity its lineage has experienced - fire dryness flood chemicals, the lot.... Cool eh?? just like ours.... understand your DNA - learn what ALL our taxanomic rank (family, class, phylum etc) tells us about male and female humans... and guys guess what .... we are ALL sluts :) Good for those who can keep it at home....but, biologically speaking, you are fighting a losing war :) men in happy fulfilling relationships wonder because it is written into their DNA to do so! Sweetiepie2010 - is switched onto her man because it is written into her DNA to accept him as her alpha male. Her biology will accept nothing negative about him, and continue to excite her at all sensory levels so she stays "HOT" for him... Now, I can sart a rant about subliminal programming and the (Delibarate?) attack on the human sensory leading us into straying from our partners and into the sordid life of lewd sexual behaviour NOT biologically programmed into us, and the therefore general acceptance thereof, but, not today. That is psychology, and it will border on or cover zionism ande conspiracy theories. *grins* Not sure may ppl want to go down that track :)
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