F33
Yet to orgasm during sex... advice?
January 29 2012
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
Honey, you're not alone, a lot of women can't get over the edge by just sex alone. I have to be already crazy lust drunk to get there. You just need a more experienced lover and they aren't easy to find. Or try another girlie, we have the owners manual y'know. Although she can't help you in the willy department unless she brings her goodie bag. I don't think it will be long until you find some-one to "help you out." Have fun
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm in a long term relationship with someone who wasn't very experienced when we met, so It's unlikely I'm going to get a chance in the near future to find that more experienced person ... though we are looking for an mmf threesome... so maybe that's the key...
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RHP User
14 years ago
I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to find the magical "hands-free" orgasms that everyone else seems to be having. Maybe you'll find the trick that was missing, or maybe you'll have to reconcile yourself with the idea that your body just works a certain way. My tips, for what it's worth: 1) Don't assume your partner can read your mind. Show them exactly how you can get yourself off, then help them replicate it as closely as possible. 2) Touch (and/or vibe) yourself during sex. If you come, that totally counts as coming during sex! Go team. The sex police won't come after you to investigate whose hand was where. 3) Spare a thought for the women who haven't been able to come at all, ever. (probably not the advice you're looking for, but I've been in the same situation, and made peace with it)
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RHP User
14 years ago
You said that you don't orgasm during sex...can we assume you are able to achieve it when you masturbate? Might I suggest taking the time to really explore your body, what works, what doesn't work for you and maybe introducing your partner to your play sessions so he can see how you get yourself off. You're only 19 so you still have a long long time to find those fireworks!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Have you tried being on top for a while and just swirling around and trying different movements? That's how I had my first intercourse-al O. I'd been having sex for a year or so before experiencing an O from regular intercourse. I was just sitting on top of my partner and it started tingling and before I knew it I was spasming and feeling rushes. It took a while to get there though. Lots of patience and no expectations. Since then I've learnt how to get there much quicker. Best of luck to you hun xox
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RogueGeek
14 years ago
Sheesh.Now that I've got that off my chest *unties nickers*I have ALWAYS found it difficult to climax, even when doing it myself. Your mental and emotional state-of-mind can have a huge impact on how much you enjoy sex and whether or not you climax. I had several years where I couldn't climax, and it turns out it was the medication I was taking. I changed my meds and have since then been able to climax - but it is still difficult.It could just be that you need to experiment a little more, to figure out what puts you over the edge, but don't be afraid to talk to a GP or therapist about it if the experimenting isn't getting you anywhere.Cheers,MS
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RHP User
14 years ago
too much pressure on yourself, a girlfriend of mine many years ago had the very same issue and it came (pun intended) without warning one day after she learnt to relax (ok the spliff before hand helped ;) ) prior to that she got very close and tense and it seemed to stop things from exploding in her tingly bits .. relax, take your time and teach your partner what you works with your fingers, you need to learn to cum from his (or hers) fingers just as much as they need to learn to bring you to climax!! good luck, give me a call if you still can't do it hahaha xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Exploration and experimentation.... As much as we men love to think we know what we're doing, the vast majority really don't have much of an idea. The thought process of "I'll stick appendage A in here, that'll work. Now time for appendage B and when I'm done, I'll move onto appendage C". How much consideration is there in that thought process? Basically, if your partner doesn't know what he's doing, tell him. Point stuff out to him, tell him what feels good and what doesn't. If I bat my eyelashes at your partner, will that satisfy your version of a bi MMF? :-P (times like this I wish I found blokes attractive...oh well, guess I'll have to just deal with burying my tongue and various other appendages in those wonderfully beautiful women rhp seems to attract :-) And yes, I am referring to you dgt, meeks, goodgrlz, krissy and of course the lovely Lexi :-P
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RHP User
14 years ago
...that you can't or don't, what you take to bed with you in thought will be exactly what happens. Don't focus on I will as an alternative either...these are all self-defeating and self-fulling by nature. Simply relax each time, disregard the past, think about a maybe and experiment as it can or will happen once you let it. When, who knows...you will, but you have to change your self-talk. It works that way in almost everything we do unless you have a medical condition that might prevent it. | Uh-oh...you're not allergic to having an orgasm, are you? | Now I'd cover the odds that if you laughed even a little bit...you may be closer than you think. Everything that occurs in or to your body...is an expression of the mind. | Good luck on your journey and enjoy the benefits of your youth.
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erotictouch4u
14 years ago
Have you tried letting your partner just give you a sensual massage with oils, slowly caressing your body with his hands to help ease the tensions away so that your mind can open to the softness and caring of his touches ? I took a Swedish massage course many years ago and have found it helps ease a lady's nervousness of the first meeting. With you 2 it is not so much the first meeting than the anxiety of the first orgasm experience. As they say in the classics...Just lay back hunny and let it all happen ET xox
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RHP User
14 years ago
Think you might be stressing for no reason..as they once said "If you build it, it will come" so build on your experience and trying a variety of things to give you the sensation you seek - might have to include things like maybe breast play and etc while your clit is being stimulated. As for the G-spot, hard to explain in writing (and no, Im not asking to demonstrate on you like others probably are - no offence) follow the curvature of the vagina on the anterior wall (closest to belly button) - sometime I apply pressure on the area below the belly button and aid in building pressure from the bladderHope this or anything else helps - Happy Sexing
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RHP User
14 years ago
Pls dont take this the wrong way, but look at your upbringing around sex, maybee you have had some programming put in that makes you feel you shouldnt enjoy, hey your only young... Youve got plenty of time and your still enjoying. Somtimes it can be the mental energy of your partner, somtimes your upbringing. Try to relax and just think about YOU and your feeling. LOL B, either way, enjoy the practise.
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RHP User
14 years ago
...as it would appear that you can find it then it seems to disappear? | Quoting 'lexi42'I have yet to be able to orgasm during sex... through my clit or my g-spot unless I am manually stimulating myself... Even using fingers my partners and I have failed to find a 'g-spot' and I'm feeling pretty sad about the amazing orgasms I'm missing out on! Looking at your profile, it seems that you are looking for bi-sexual guys and that may lead to further "distractions". Try this, scratch the bi MMF for a while and maybe keep the focus on you, and simply let your straight partner(s) watch. We are all very visual creatures that learn from experience...so if you can find these tidy tingly bits yourself, show him. Experience or a lack thereof...how do I get experience....just dooooooooo it! | ....thanks, for letting me play. | | Glad my bits don't disappear...except when we are both watching and know where they're going.
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RHP User
14 years ago
This is nothing unusual at all. The majority of women will need manual stimulation of the clitorus to have an orgasm and the scientific community is still debating the actual existance of a G-spot anyway. You can have orgasms so there is no problems there. You are 19. So many years left ahead of you to experience the big "O" so stopp worrying about it. This is probably half of your problems as the more pressure we place on ourselves the worse it can become. If this is becoming a huge issue in your own mind the I suggest that you try a vibrating cock ring. Introduce it as a game, something new to try and play with.
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RHP User
14 years ago
oh goodie .. here we go all the blokes will be explaining why they have a massive cock a extra long tongue and can Go for hours ... all hoping you buy there sales Pitch.... Lets just sit back and watch them roll in .
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contemplating1
14 years ago
So much great advice above from wonderful people! Relax.........Drift away from self imposed pressures....Melt your mind and bod into it and enjoy! Have a good 'un!
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missangelina
14 years ago
Darling - you are perfectly normal and like most women.Many decades of research has consistently shown:10-15% of women have never orgasmed60-70% of women ONLY orgasm with additional stimulation to clitoris eg tongue, fingers, or other manual props touching the clitoris BUT cannot orgasm from intercourse alone25-30% of women can orgasm from intercourse alone ( either g-spot orgasms or indirect clitoral stimulation account for most of this)15% of women and 12% of men are multi-orgasmic80% of women fake orgasms at least part of the time because they feel embarrassed or pressured about their ability to orgasmLess than 1% of women can actually orgasm from breast stimulation alone.Some women who are multi-orgasmic need to have their first orgasm by direct clitoral stimulation ( hand or tongue) and then later orgasms can be set off by intercourse alone.Some women who were orgasmic lose the ability to orgasm on particular drugs as mentioned by one of the lovely ladies above Everyone is different and to be valued for their own unique sexuality. There is no one right way to orgasm.Angelina
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RHP User
14 years ago
..the horizontal boogie with every guy over 35 that offers, that always works.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Girls I've been with, some could, some couldn't.Like everyone says, relaxation is a big part of it. Foreplay is very important too. Communicate, tell him what you like. Trust me, he'll appreciate it. Experiment and mix it up. Cliched as it is, everyone's different, and very few girls can orgasm from 'vanilla' intercourse alone. Don't forget he probably feels like he's letting you down as much as you might feel you're disappointing him. You need to reassure him as much as yourself that it's a journey, so relax and have fun. Definitely not a pass or fail exam!
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missangelina
14 years ago
Forgot to mention the best thing about women - we improve with age sexually. We dont hit our sexual peak til at least our 30's and discover all kinds of things about ourselves and our sexual responsiveness along the way. It is not unusual for women to have their first orgasm several years after first having sex or to suddenly discover their g-spot, or that they are multiorgasmic or that they can ejaculate - in their 30's, 40's and 50's. There is so much to learn about yourself. We just have a more complex sexual response than men and it can sometimes take time for us and our partners to work things out.Relax, be patient, have fun and enjoy the ride. I am sure you will find partners who would be more than happy to explore with you.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thank you so much to everyone who has posted! You have all been so kind and understanding and caring =) I definitely think I stress way too much about orgasming cause I feel so bad making him wait... but when it comes to intercourse (to be blunt), I can't work out how to get my clit to come into contact with any part of his body in order to stimulate it and help me orgasm that way... any ideas on good positions for that? Or should I just resign myself to using my finger every time? Also, during sex itself, unless I'm using my finger, I'm actually quite relaxed and not focused on orgasming at all... but I guess that's because I assume it isn't going to happen... maybe that is self defeating, but I don't feel anything when he penetrates that I could see building into a 'g-spot' orgasm. It does feel good and he has no problem with size, but no matter how we change the angles we've yet to find one that is going to get me off... can anyone suggest a way that might be done? Thank you again to everyone for your advice!
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RHP User
14 years ago
foreplay, foreplay!But dont stress if you still cant...a lot of women cant.Just go with what works for youand if you helping things along works..then do it!BJ
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RHP User
14 years ago
I sometimes have trouble. I find I need all my senses to be overloaded which sometimes takes more than just one person to achieve... sometimes a whole bunch of people dont get me off... unless I feel like a total slut. Anyway, I dont know what you have tried.... and everyone will have suggestions. Yes, even me! I suggest you get your guy to help you out with some toys... go shopping together... choose a number of different toys... a small vibrating bullet for instance, you and he can play with it... although it might be better that you hold it while he uses his large hands and anything else he can think to throw at your yihaaarr buttons all at once... often the trick is to build up the sexual stimulation to a peak.... and if you are not there yet, then almost stop and start from the beginning again... over and over... that's kind of his job... while you are trying to do things to him that turn you on.. as well as handle that bullet vibe... and .. by the way... talk is good. Don't be afraid to say what you like and also say what isnt particularly working so he changes that situation without your battery going flat... HugsGaz
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RHP User
14 years ago
I’m 20 and in a committed poly d/s relationship and don’t really have any problems enjoying and orgasming during basic missionary sex without outside stimulation, but hey extra stimulation is always fun ;) Being in a kinky d/s relationship there are a lot more options for stimulation and foreplay is generally more extreme and stimulating than vanilla sex and foreplay. That being said enjoyment shouldn’t be put down to age, experience or even enthusiasm as I’m sure that your partner wants to please you, in my opinion it comes down to technique more than anything and I think that some men need more guidance and training then others. As you mentioned your partner didn’t have a lot of experience before you, so maybe you need to try more partners or sex with another couple for some prac experience as it were. I’m curious as to how a mmf threesome will help you with this. Is it because you still want to be with your partner but think another man could make you orgasm? Or do think that the other partner will help your partner be more turned on and therefore more likely to make you orgasm? I’ve never been in a mmf threesome but have had mff. As a bisexual woman I get super turned on by having the extra woman and it definitely makes me want to please my partner more. Hope this helped J
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RHP User
14 years ago
The inside of your vagina theres a ton of spots that are really senstive so one i use a lot, is inside the vagina and on the top wall it seems to send girls crazy i can help you find them
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RHP User
14 years ago
my partner had the same problem so we researched abit on line and discovered www.orgasmart.com and it helped her out alot payne and shandy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Do it again. At the risk of repetition of previous posts, and for that matter juxtaposing Frankie and the Chemical Brothers. Ah, there we go. Spot the old fella.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i have not failed in that department yet several women have told me they never have orgasam during love making and i have amazed them and they said it is amazing with me
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RHP User
14 years ago
You have to relax.......thats the key dont chase the orgasmClose your eyes and feel the stimualtion,open them and run your hands all over your guy and take deep breathes so your not tightening your pelvic floorOral sex and the squirting technique to stimulate the inside of your clit just inside your vaginal opening will warm you up and then just go for it.I have had 2 women hat never even orgasm ,squirt for me ....like all physical things its a response that can be achieved regardless of the person if you do it rightHope you orgasm and squirt soon,if not give me a message ;)
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