F50

bi girl commodity syndrome

November 28 2010

ah, those awkward moments that keep coming up, when you're a single bi girl. let's clarify some things, shall we?: * i put a great deal of thought into choosing my male lovers. i have specific tastes, i'm quite fussy, and it's my right to choose whom i'd like to get intimate with. so suggesting straight away, after we've gone through that whole big process, that i should play immediately with your nameless/faceless 'female friend', whom i've never met, liked, chosen or lusted after, without suggesting that i might like to get to know them first... well, it's just not cricket. it's disrespectful. and a great big turn-off. * likewise, playing with me just once 1 on 1, or not even getting to that point, then insisting on talking about nothing but FFM threesomes from then on... uh... what happened to 1 on 1? because that's what i signed up for... if i'd wanted nothing but FFM, i would be pursuing couples' profiles. and if you look at my profile, you'll see that i don't. * i've been a part of a couple for most of my life. it was very very nice. i liked it a lot. there were flowers, dates to the movies, deep and meaningful conversations about the meaning of life, even a very special ring and a shared last name at one point. i'm fairly across this couple thing. now, i don't need all of that, but considering that i don't even KNOW your last name, i'm assuming that we aren't a couple. which means: no, i don't want to have a couple's profile with you. * finding bi females for me to play with in the casual sex scene is like shooting fish in a barrel. i don't need you to 'source' them for me. also, sending me other girls' pics in such a cavalier manner suggests that you are not treating images of other people with respect. do you have these girls' permission to be sending their intimate pics - and face pics - to total strangers on their behalf? can i assume that, if i send you my pic, you will be doing the same without my permission? you are not a horse trader. or a pimp. and it's not a good look. * guess what? i can tell when your wife/playmate/horse is not truly bi. and being any part of her having to 'perform' for you to turn you on... i can't tell you how very repulsive it is to see someone take part in something that doesn't make them really hot, themselves. this is absolutely not directed at anyone at all - these are the same themes that come up time and time again. i understand that bi females are a fairly integral part of this particular community, and the way clubs and parties work, it's almost de rigueur for females to be at least bi-curious... but dammit - we're people, too!

Comments

Bubbaj

15 years ago

right on! very well said and ohhhh so right!

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RHP User

15 years ago

Your words are just so true. I am not bi, love women, they just dont turn me on sexually and I cop all the shit you have outlined above as well.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Someone finally said it in layman terms even an erect penis could understand. You go girl, very well written as I would expect from incredible talent xxxx

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RHP User

15 years ago

Even though I don't know what prompted it, I do like what you wrote.Do people seriously do that stuff? Do they REALLY just onforward photos!?What poor behaviour.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I totally agree.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I think we all agree, we crave for open communication..Some people use this information poorly..

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RHP User

15 years ago

Congratulations, MsValkyrie, on a very well-crafted post. The issue is important and you have summarised the case inteligently, with vigour and - the greatest pleasure - correct use of the English language. Your handle demonstrates you are an educated lady. I enjoyed reading your post and support everything you said. Thank you!!

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RHP User

15 years ago

Succinctly put. I agree wholeheartedly and learned something as well. I have a similar problem with couples but I am straight! Makes you wonder sometimes.

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JessicaRabbit

15 years ago

I'm standing up applauding you right now! It's amazing how many messages I get from 'single guy' profiles saying that their 'sexy girlfriend/playmate' would love to play with me and they'd be happy to share photos with me.... If she wants to play with me, why doesn't she tell me herself? Is she a mute? Had to be said, and couldn't have been said any better than that! Well done, let's hope eventually that the message will get through... Miss Didactic xx

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RHP User

15 years ago

really appreciate all the kind words - and REALLY appreciate that i wasn't the only one :)

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OziCpl

15 years ago

So that's a no then ? ...... lol

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RHP User

15 years ago

Not a single dissenting voice, and plenty of comments - that must nearly be a first! I don't know the history that prompted it, but I'm damned sure I know what you think! Great post!

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RHP User

15 years ago

Well said. I often wonder about the shit you girls must go through from guys that expect you to be a rampant nympho just because you have a different sexual preference to what they are used to. It must frustrait the hell out of you but you have a very good way of thinking and dealing with it. Its nice to see :)

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RHP User

15 years ago

Well done...good post! Even being part of a couple it seems to happen. Chatting & talking with the male half who is organising a girl on girl then swap back to own man...Go figure..Meet the couple & the female half is barely interested & a wet fish. Mrs H xx

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RHP User

15 years ago

Im sitting here giving you the mexican wavethis post was very well written and Im sure most of us can relate to itWe need to connect before anything happens (if anything happens) and its at our pacea womans kiss/touch is so much more tenderhippip horay.. hippip horay.. hippip horay..

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RHP User

15 years ago

Slightly offtopic, whilst being vaguely ON TOPIC...You pretty much fit in the demographic of what 'we' would consider as 'ticking all the boxes'.30 somethingred/strawberryAdventurousLives in SydThats a clean sweep!Now that youve made it clear what someone like you DOESN'T want, perhaps you'd be so kind as to indulge on what would be considered good form? The wife still doesn't get the how the world turns in the online arena, and nor do I to a great extent; it seems so much more straightforward when you simply meet people to read the signs/body language etc.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Quoting 'Ruggedly_Rugged' Someone finally said it in layman terms even an erect penis could understand. You go girl, very well written as I would expect from incredible talent xxxx Sorry. Penises don't understand anything. Unfortunately a fair proportion of penis owners don't understand it either. We are a happy couple that understands your thoughts completely. Well written and expressed.

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N4November

15 years ago

Ms V to my rescue again!! (beppy sponges and now this) - THANKS FOR THE FANTASTIC TOPIC!! I was starting to think that I did have something written on my forehead or invisible writing on my profile pic that says something like "conduit to 3way fantasy" - why do they always ask straight away?!!! To be honest, I think I've smothered the bi part of my sexuality because I was feeling like I was only going to be used by couples and men alike for their own purposes and not bother to get to know the real me... and I'm proudly more than a vagina and a good set of boobs! I have experienced all of what you described and (sadly) I feel reassured that I'm not the only one. I think its unfortunate that articulate sensual women who can express their sexuality are mistakingly made for "easy" which is anything but the case. For me, I have to connect with someone physically and mentally and I'm not going to want to fuck a phantom root of yours sight unseen - so why do they think this tactic will work?? Seriously, if I want a girl to join us I'll bloody suggest it!!!! xxx

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RHP User

15 years ago

SoldierB - with all due respect (and much respect - i really like your profile and way of doing things!), the problem is, i don't tick all the boxes - because i don't play with couples! and the reason why lies in baygirl's answer - i started to feel 'used' to the point where i completely lost the taste for it, very quickly in fact. i felt in danger of "smothering" my own bisexual urges because of the feeling of "performing" - well, until i got a taste for playing with women on a Dom/sub basis instead :D it's a very intimate way to play that works really well with two people of the same gender - hence why BDSM is so big in the gay community. but i digress. *fanning myself* so i suppose you're asking, what's the "right" way to pick up a girl for a third in an FFM? i'd suggest an RHP party or a sex club (where there's always a heap of fem/fem action), so that girls can meet each other and flirt with each other naturally, rather than being "matched up" by their partner. i recently went to a "sexually ambiguous" dance party, being somewhat part of the gay community... this kind of party is very much outside the swinger scene and more a part of the sexually fluid/gay/bi scene, and as such, there was much more electricity and much less, well, planning, going on on the dancefloor! i didn't feel hunted! hurray! it was natural! and electric! and it was sexy as hell - i would have certainly considering meeting a couple there and breaking my own rule. however, i'm loathe to mention any more party details than that - recently i had a very sour experience with a guy trying to take me to a "bi" club night. i checked it out - it was a lesbian night. no men allowed. he laughed it off and said he could get in with a girl - apparently, we could "fool" lesbians into getting into threesomes with us. i was not amused. of course, online rather than out and about, it is possible. i was recently talking MMF with a couple of likely lads, and after digitally "introducing" them (with their permission), i left them to chat with each other to see if they clicked. because, simply put, there are three people in this scenario. not just me. not just me and my friend looking for a third. three equal comers (no pun intended) who each need to get pleasure and satisfaction out of whatever we end up doing together. it's all about respect, and honesty, and not treating any potential sexual partner like a commodity. that, and letting me truss your woman up in rope like a christmas turkey and letting me use her like the dirty slut she is. okay, i've completely lost the thread of what i was saying. *off to have personal time*

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RHP User

15 years ago

I appreciate the reply MsV!Although on a slight tangent you still do tick at least the corner of the last box as the other half is the one in the experimental stage and if told she was off on an FF encounter I'd send her with my kindest regards and best wishes :pAside from that point though, I appreciate the insight into the headspace of another person - it rounds out and confirms that pretty much I am on the right basic track, which is always a good thing. No one likes to feel they are obligated to be putting on a show for someone elses benefit, and indeed being 'suckered into' something is even worse of a feeling.I am rather familiar with the old BDSM scene as well, so what you say there holds true... as it does at the GLBT scene parties. I just normally steer off those these days because I have my own views on most BDSM's mindsets (Cant we just ditch all this drama and f**k?) which I admit is my own barrier! I just got overly jaded with it all and went full circle.She likes the concept, I'm all ho hum.Anyhow, in closing, thanks for the reply - I found it helpfull and entertaining :)

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RHP User

15 years ago

And coming from me...that says it all!

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bi girl commodity syndrome

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