F48
kids and all that jazz
May 09 2010
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
Both "Do you have kids?" and "Why not?" are asked of men. The assumption in some cases is that a deliberately childless man, of a certain age at least, must be a homosexual. That said, I'm guessing that the level of disbelief and incredulity directed at a deliberately childless woman will be an order of magnitude greater, given the "normality" of the maternal "instinct". As a suggestion, the next time a parent asks you why you don't have kids, why not ask them why they do? The response could be quite enlightening.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Focus, it doesn't matter either way to me if you have kids or not, if you decided not to that might put you a few more brain cells ahead of the rest of us but when you do have them it is a perfectly normal question and yes it is an ice breaker and someone trying to find some common ground with you, I have friends around your age that have made the same decision, I cant wait until the day the maternal extincts kick in and they change, good luck with all that you have it all in front of you
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RHP User
16 years ago
Its More than a conversation starter....and Most women around your age have had children..so its a common linkSomthing that you can relate too...in another person Parenthood...is the most Taxing, Wonderfull, Heartbreaking experiance anyone could have...I would never Give it upAnyone can be a parent..but it dose take someone Truely wonderull to be a Mum or Dad.....I was Told at the age of 17 before even had sex for the First time that i would never be able to have Children due to a medical problem..i was crushed and gave up all hope....I prooved them Wrong.....4 wonderfull happy healthy children later.......Each One a Gift and a Blessingand i could not imagine my life without them......
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RHP User
16 years ago
Haha...I'd been bombarded with that same question left, right and centre and while I am still contemplating if I should or not, the question itself does not bother me. Its just a conversation piece. The one that that shits me to tears is "are you married, no - but why not?", followed by the most perplexed look on their face. "You shouldn't be that picky" and then out come all the tips and advice why you should. I wouldn't even bother explaining. Usually I just cheekily replied "Just so that I can have lots of balls to play with".
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RHP User
16 years ago
My Aunt and Hubby same she is early 40s would make the best mother out but she doesn't want any. She too told me she finds people very judging and when she says no they go Aww and look of sympathy like they must be having problems in making them or they give look like why not etc. She tells them its like this I am too selfish and loving our life without children in it, we love to work and travel and live the life we choose she has had nieces and nephews watched us grow now is a great Aunt and she feels that's fulfilling enough. She said her dogs were enough of a responsibility as she would like to have. People do struggle to get that. Isn't it better a woman knows this admits this rather than lots that can't handle it have them due to pressure and kids miss out on the best of what that parent can be. So many in this world not look after as it is as looks like piece of piss having them and raising. Yet here are people who choose not too and are being sensible not falling under stupid expectations. Enjoy your life as it is and whether you do it with or without kids its entirely your call never get with people thinking they will change their minds on kids too....as that is dead end street
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RHP User
16 years ago
I applaude those who have children but just know within myself that it isnt for me. Quoting 'ablokeimet'As a suggestion, the next time a parent asks you why you don't have kids, why not ask them why they do? The response could be quite enlightening. I have actually done this and they stumped look on their faces was just amazing. Most come back with well its natural, its what we should do noone has yet given me a valid reason as to why I SHOULD radically alter my lifestyle and conceded to what society considers normal of a healthy woman of child bearing age. Quoting '2much4me' I have friends around your age that have made the same decision, I cant wait until the day the maternal extincts kick in and they change, good luck with all that you have it all in front of you I have heard this before but again it is a conscious choice not to have them. And to be honest the maternal instincts can kick in as much as they like I am not chaning my mind. i was constantly told in my 20's wait unil you hit 30 then you will want them - nope! now its - its harder to ignore once you hit 40. So what? Everyone thought that when my Mum had her youngest 9 years ago (yes you read that right its not a typo i did mean 9) I would get 'clucky' and want one of my own - yuk! not my scene at all. Customer 69 - I have been fortunate enough in my life that my previous 2 long term partners havent wanted kids either. The first has since changed his mind (we were in our early 20's together) and has a lovely child with his now wife and my most recent is still adamant mind you the thought of him around children is just laughable. BigBrite_Bubbly - I too have a lovely Great Aunt that has no children and doesnt regret the choices she made. I think I am with our Aunts. I love my life, I recognise the enormous changes that would need to be made if I were to have children in it and I am way to selfish for that. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hiya focus :-) As the others have said...people ask "if you have kids" just looking for common ground....it's probably just as annoying for you as it is for me trying to explain my 2 ex-husbands when they make reference to their father. So I just play it..."I collect husbands...the father of my girls lives with his new family, my ex partner...have no idea where that loser is...so hopefully I'll get it right with husband number 3". And I say it all with a smile ;-). The look on their faces is often priceless. But you know, it sorts the wheat from the chaff...why invest yourself in a conversation where you are on the back foot having to "state your case"??? And as much as I adore my kids, when I am talking to other adults I much prefer to talk about things other than kids. Jx
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RHP User
16 years ago
i just LOVE fcuking so much...i guess i don't have time for kids...use this line if asked by a "stuffy old shirt"...alternatively, ya could always innocently ask them..."do you have a fetish for watching guys fcuking each other"...and when they say "no"...ask them..."why not?"....hehejose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Mrs bubbly take it u have no children? My kids r my world sweet heart. Hnmm why cant a parent or person decide. How did u cum into the world?
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RHP User
16 years ago
We have made the choice to not have kids, we love our life too much to put someone elses life ahead of ours. We get this question all the time but the follow up is usually 'oh you'll change your mind'. When people are whinging about their kids (which they do all the time) I always remind them that they are just reinforcing my choice not to have kids. I think a lot people have kids not knowing how much hard work it is, and of course when they have a kid they can't say 'i wish I had never had kid' ... Well actualy I've had few colleague tell me this after they have had a few drinks or when their darlings become teenages.
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RHP User
16 years ago
F O C U S - I think that the first q - "do you have kids"...is an ok conversation starter....just like ..."so what do you do?" or "have you ever been to...?" - but the second q - "Why not?" is just plain rude and invasive...it should be your right to elaborate if you so wish...not to be required to do so....2 me such a question and attitude belies a narrowness of mind and a general lacking in respect...I have kids and i know why (beyond the scientific / biological reason)....nothing has taught me more than to also understand why someone would choose not to have them also...I think that there are so many people who follow blindly societal expectations and scripts that it is unfathomable to them that there are other people who view life as a series of informed personal choices and this can be unsettling to them... S E X Y C O U N T R Y..... NOBODY knows how hard and difficult it is to have kids BEFORE they have them :) lol . . 2b :)
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RHP User
16 years ago
I'm a no kid guy - sure kids are great but not for me Just the crazy Uncle But I agree , why do people ask , each to they're own
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RHP User
16 years ago
OBS - I love it! Boy would be confused if my Mum got asked this question. Having 4 adult children (including 2 step) 1 young child, grandkids, and foster children. Hehe I can see her responses. But I do agree it is an insensitive question to ask. There are many blended families so why cant yours be? You could alwyas look them in the face and just state that Liz Taylor is your role model - see what kind of reaction you get. Jose - Love those responses hmmm I do like your devious mind. Mine is now going overtime waiting for the next time someone asks me that question. Coastguys - Bubbly and I are not disputing how we came into this world (I love my mum and having nothing but admiration and respect for her) but just that it should be our choice not to have kids not something that society frowns upon. My point is that I am often judged as a healthy woman of childbearing age for actively choosing NOT to have children. BBB is just retelling how her Aunt deals with the same situation. Nothing more. Sexycountry - I have the same reaction when someone does the same thing. I choose a randm number (usually quite high) and say reason number x not to have kids - still waiting on reason number 1 to actively choose to have kids. Good on you guys for making a decision that is comfortable for the two of you. 2balloons - ahh if only there were more people with your understanding and respect for others in this world. People like myself wouldnt feel so uncomfortable when we are having a conversation with others. Slim - I would say your body your choice but...... I do wonder sometimes about those people who can ONLY talk about their kids. I understand that they are a huge part of your life once you have them but to be the only thing you can discuss - is there nothing else in your life? Kisses Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
i am so impressed with your last response...how did you do that...COS I LIKE IT...!!jose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'comeandgetme68'i am so impressed with your last response...how did you do that...COS I LIKE IT...!!jose... Would love to take credit but......when i figure it our I will let you know Kisses Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
Im 49 this year, a proud and happy NON parent and you will be pleased to know people eventually stop asking the 'why not' question. lol Its a choice I made many years ago, its one I have never regretted, I'm way too conscious of the fact that children take a HUGE amount of care and theres enough neglected ones in the world today without me adding to that number just to please society and be 'like all the rest'Is that really a reason to populate?Enjoy your childlessness and be grateful we are in an era where we can make such choices.And a big thumbs up to the mums and dads that DECIDE to have children and do such an awesome job bring them up.Dev xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Amen sister. I have found another proud role model to aspire too I see many of those children who dont have loving homes and proud parents through family and close friends who are fosterer carers and just am in awe at how they do this. Am happy to see so many others who happily live with their decision not to have children. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'dev_n_trips' Im 49 this year, a proud and happy NON parent and you will be pleased to know people eventually stop asking the 'why not' question. lol Well that is good to know
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RHP User
16 years ago
about the time they start asking how many grandchildren do you have
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'dev_n_trips'about the time they start asking how many grandchildren do you have Another thing for sexycountrycpl and I to look forward to. Yay!!!! Kisses Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
please tell me they don't start asking that!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'ablokeimet'please tell me they don't start asking that! Apparently so... I wonder does anyone hire kids out so those childless ones of us can at least avoid the question. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
but would be happy to loan them to you focus, it's called 'babysitting' win/win, we go out you loan kids LMAOanother response could be " i can't have children' don't elaborate or hint at anything just leave it hanging will make them feel like crap for asking as they should!!! to each their own i say i wouldn't trade mine for the world but i respect people's choice NOT to have them too Mrs GC
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RHP User
16 years ago
gee thanks MrsGC but hiring means I pay you and as adorable as I am sure your 3 children are - I think you would have to pay ME to take on 3 of them at once and not the other way round. Bu roundt thanks for the offer. If I ever feel the need I will look you up - I see you arent that far away from me. but thanks for the offer Kisses Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
Don't worry those of us with kids don't exactly get let off the hook with the inappropriate questions/behavior, from the moment you get married you get asked about when you are having kids then you have the first one and before you are even out of the hospital they want to know 'so when are you having the next one?' then there is the inappropriate touching of the pregnant belly by total strangers (grab my boobs or touch my arse by all means, but touch my pregnant belly and that is my kid, mumma bear NOT happy!!!) then there are the women who feel the need to share their horror birth stories while you are pregnant (because you are not freaked out enough as it is) there is the unsolicited advice on parenting and caring for babies in general..............................AARRGGH the list goes on!it is funny that such things in society as sexuality,religion and political views are considered to be taboo topics of conversation however the incredibly person topic of parenthood is fair game?? think they may have got that wrong somewhere.My sympathies to the brave childless souls out there and to those other parents like myself who confront the daily barrage of 'advice' and judgment let us all coexist in peace and sexual happiness Mrs GC
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