From Good Girl to Me

Letting go of the social norms.

Conditioned from a young age to be the good girl.

“Just one partner is all you need.

Any more is pure greed!”

Living from relationship to relationship,

Never quite fulfilled…

Something always missing in me.

I used to always hush the yearn,

Because it was wrong…

I’m not allowed to be attracted to multiple people?!?

How naughty—the disapproval washed through my mind.

I caged myself, with help from society.

I felt empty. Lost.

Over time, learning about femme and masc, love and intimacy—

Intrigued I was!

Reading about polyamory…

It felt like I was reading my mind in another person’s words. Wow!

“People are greedy though?!?”

When I understood the love and desire for men and women,

It ruffled feathers!!!

“Oh, you want your cake and eat it too?”

“Oh, what smutty behaviour you’re displaying!”

From a young age, all my crushes were girls—

Even the female school teacher.

Then I had crushes on boys.

I was so confused…

I was equally drawn to both…

But I kept choosing monogamy with men—

Men who wanted me all to themselves,

Some not even wanting to share a glance of me!

I would dream of a woman touching me…

When I was single, I explored women.

It felt beautiful—felt soft and right.

But I thought, no, this is wrong!

It was a tug of war in me, for both genders.

One day I took the leap—spoke my desires, wants, and needs.

A lack of understanding and selfishness was the response I got…

“What’s in it for me?” — that was what the partner said to me.

I stood there quietly, then said:

“I would be happy. Fulfilled. Wouldn’t that be nice to see?”

Of course, rules were set in place…

Bisexual women only—so he could play as well.

I felt like an experiment to him, and to bicurious women…

I still felt empty and controlled by other parties.

Sigh…

I had to free myself!

The transition from being in a cage/exhibition

To being true to me…

Wow!

It has—and is still—not easy.

I had to lose so much to gain myself.

But I am so damn lucky!!!

– Violet-Eyes, 2025

- ForbiddenCharm 💜💜