quite an interesting journey...

So once upon a time, in a land far far away... I commenced a journey without quite realising it and without knowing exactly where I was going. It has been the most delightful turn of events and one from which I have continued to evolve...

Curving into the most delicious and exotic twist that as I gently whispered my fingertips across her skin, I started to notice her heartbeat, her breathing, the infinitely small twitches of musculature..

these tiny but enticing reactions to my touch...

even as light as that may have been...

her body just ignited something that continues to burn in my very being...

without being bound, this goddess in front of me was entranced such that her movements were one of restriction... she allowed herself to be my playground of discovery, my opening of a new consciousness of eroticism.. at any point she could have simply stood and walked away but from her desire to be brought so close to orgasm yet to have it withdrawn... only heightened the intensity of that moment...

Somewhere within my own heart racing, the sight of her divine body and the lustful passion of it all... I started to realise that I had been chosen by someone that had allowed me to believe that I was the one choosing the course of action.. I started to realise that while I had thought I was leading her into this moment of shared delight, it was the choice of this goddess that I may be allowed to tempt her into ecstasy... the paradigm of dominance instantly switched.

Juxtaposed against the concept of BDSM lay the reality of the significance of the roles... Through the course of my exploration and sheer delight in this journey of Dominance I have come to realise a number of things. Things that keep popping up in conversations with amazing women on RHP and also to a lesser extent in the less exciting world of everyday life.. consequently I thought I'd just pen a piece about my experience and perception of it all.

Dominance and Bondage etc is a multifaceted world and for every interpretation there are countless more.. however I have found that certain things seem to ring true more than not for me. The first is what would seem the obvious, yet I am always surprised that it isn't so obvious to all.. Misogyny and Dominance are in no way that same thing. In fact they are in stark contrast from each other. Misogyny is based on a fear held by a man that woman must be hurt either physically or mentally and sometimes both, this is the antithesis of where pain exists in a Sado/Masochist dynamic. The whole point of the Dominant is to allow the Submissive to explore HER lusts and desires... the Dominant is the guiding hand in the descent within HER emotional world.. The submissive chooses the Dominant and from thence chooses whether or not she will submit. At all moments it is a world that is founded upon the choices of the WOMAN and as such misogyny effectively plays no part. Even degradation and some of the more extreme choices are still exactly that.. a choice.

Next thing that is always top of mind and intimately connected with the above commentary is the use of pain.. This is far more than simply hitting someone with a stick or dripping hot wax on their body.. Pain is used (at least by me) as both a key to unlock darker emotions that lie hidden from everyday view and as a way back into the real world once the descent has begun.. pain and sensory deprivation/overload all work together in a wicked ensemble of lust.. cold and hot by way of ice-cubes and candle wax start to create a misalignment of sensation.. hot becomes cold and vice versa until there is a lack of comprehension as to what is falling against naked oiled skin... until... CRACK!!! the sound of stinging pain that ripped with surprise and delight through the submissive's body and soul... pain has become the gateway and the return ticket to somewhere just at the very first steps of descent... pain is not about hurting the submissive. pain is HER choice to be indulged in.

Sensory deprivation and overload.. this is what really ignites things in my experience. Feathers/Whips, Candle wax/Ice Cubes, fingertips/pinwheels... think of 2 things, one being the opposite to the other and you get the idea. Some follow more obvious logistics than others. Feathers get wet and useless so not good AFTER ice cubes etc... Pinwheels are light and stinging so can either work up to heightening of actions or be the other side and allow descent. Personal preference and logistics makes these choices flow in particular ways.. however those are the obvious senses.. I can't use strobe lights due to epilepsy however the disorientation would be ideal for others.. sound is one that is often not fully understood for it's ability to create fear within the submissive... fear comes form the unknown and when sight is taken away then sound becomes more pronounced.. for this reason I love chains as they create such unknown sounds and the longer the length of chain the longer that sounds draws out... creating a world of the unknown so much more terrifying... everyday items are great for creating a world of the unknown.. tin-foil crinkles and makes strange sensations against skin.. paper crunched up near the ears is bizarre.. dropping chopsticks or kitchen utensils... all these foreign sounds that stretch the imagination, all these foreign sounds all of a sudden leaping into reality as they sting with unique sensations... these mundane items of torment that when the blindfold is removed... become etched in the submissive's memories such that every tine that they stir pasta etc a wistful thought tingles their delights... sound and the removal of it from noise cancelling headphones is a wonderful way to create a pathway to somewhere incredible..

Sounds make incredible moments, random sounds, specific sounds... all sorts of sounds.... especially music. I've lost count of the playlists that I have made for specific encounters. Many songs lend themselves to these encounters for different reasons. I like to use songs that start to convey what is or is about to happen. "Walk in my Shadow" is great as its sort of upbeat but has darkness, the Doors, Led Zeppelin etc all have this primal thing going on.. knowing the playlist allows me to know where I should be with regards to how long I should be doing something for.. Most people cannot take 2 hours of torture so aiming for an hour or so of buildup and destruction is great. The playlist gives you the dominant the knowledge of how much time the Submissive would reasonably have left to endure. This varies considerably and as the trust builds and communication provides an understanding as to how much she can take.. then the playlist can expand in time. When sound is being removed and played with as mentioned above, it's great to use noise cancelling earphones that are on a different bluetooth from the speakers. By removing all sound and re-introducing guitar distortion like Jimi Hendrix it can send the submissive into all sorts of confusion. This is the time to stay absolutely in control of all variables so that there isn't any reason to hear a safe word...

Sensory deprivation, play lists, pain, bindings (my preference is for chains) etc all help to destabilise and confuse the submissive. This is when they lose control of their current reality ad descend into their own abyss of emotions, fear, desire and LUST... this is the purpose of remaining in control as the dominant. Control isn't about making someone do something that they don't want. It is about controlling the variables so as to create a space that resonates of safety. Safety and whipping someone covered in candle wax don't seem to be correctly aligned.. why would you whip some one if you are trying to be safe?? Safety comes from trust. Trust comes from communication. Communication allows the understanding of what choices are being made. Safe Words are vital but they should bite hard into you should they need to be used... a safe word means that you as the Dominant have not read the breathing, the heart beats, the twitches, the sounds.. safe words are because safety has been lost... sometimes when exploring limits then safe words are great as they allow you to understand how tight is too tight etc.. however safety and the choices of the submissive are always paramount.

The last thing that I think I'll chat away about is planning... Domination sessions will take me 2 weeks or more to plan. Everything has to be tested and tried to make sure it is seamless in execution. Having said that there is intense planning it is done to allow a very organic scenario to evolve under its own direction. The planning creates physical understanding of logistical realities. Once you understand exactly what can and can't happen then imagination fills all the gaps in between..

anyway.. I end up chatting about these things with a variety of people so in the effort to make things easier.. I've just written an interesting post. Hopefully someone enjoys it and takes some notes that create an amazing experience in their own lives upon the journey that they too have started but aren't entirely sure where it will go....